Crash Landing.

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
°MorbidRose° Jackass Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 1723	January 4th, 2007 at 12:12am My longest dry spell yet - But I wrote! I wrote and it makes me feel just so elated because I have not written in forever. I'm sort of rusty, seeing as I have not written in months! [[Didjamissme?]] A wall set up to separate The doubts in my mind and the doubts in your head As they collide in an uproar resounding in The soft tears of the moon in a symphony Of butterfly calls and feathers falling down to earth From the heavens in perfect harmony With the whispers of kisses And the murmurs of loneliness In one song of enlightened cheers and smiles Faking a laugh or two, hiding hand in hand In a rose bush of fantasies Fading away from something Into nothing in the blink of an eye Gliding on clouds with the shadows of doubt Thunder rumbles the thoughts out of our minds Replacing them with gum drops of sorrow And tickets to the lands of the unknown With starry-eyed ghosts of our pasts Remembering the days with a silent scream A curse to the heavens in the shape of a red balloon Released with the pain as a dove flying into the sun Melting away the wings, spiraling into our lives Like a rollercoaster, we fall - Sandy
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161	January 4th, 2007 at 08:44am [[Imissedyou!]] I love it. It's very hauntingly beautiful, especially 'A curse to the heavens in the shape of a red balloon Released with the pain as a dove flying into the sun Melting away the wings, spiraling into our lives Like a rollercoaster, we fall'. ^Those lines had to be the best of the entire poem, and created the perfect ending. The only criticism that I can make, and it's a pretty poor one at that, is that compared with the rest of the poem, 'With the whispers of kisses And the murmurs of loneliness' sounded very... oridinary. Hope that helps, it's great that you're writing again.
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451	January 4th, 2007 at 01:52pm [[Ialsomissedyou!]] I absolutely adore it! It’s so beautiful. Love the metaphors and similes. I actually really liked the “With the whispers of kisses And the murmurs of loneliness” part Didn’t like the rose bush sentence though. That felt real common (because of the word choice and their combination). But if I had one “complain” it would be that you don’t use punctuation. If you don’t want full stops in your poem you can simply use capital letters only at the beginning of a sentence. “And tickets to the lands of the unknown with starry-eyed ghosts of our pasts” ^like that, for example. (if it makes sense at all =P) Anyway, you write the way you wanna write. It’s just a tip
C.j. Hardcore Pansy Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 97	January 5th, 2007 at 03:57pm ZOMG! I love it!
°MorbidRose° Jackass Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 1723	January 6th, 2007 at 07:06pm What's in a name?: [[Ialsomissedyou!]] I absolutely adore it! It’s so beautiful. Love the metaphors and similes. I actually really liked the “With the whispers of kisses And the murmurs of loneliness” part Didn’t like the rose bush sentence though. That felt real common (because of the word choice and their combination). But if I had one “complain” it would be that you don’t use punctuation. If you don’t want full stops in your poem you can simply use capital letters only at the beginning of a sentence. “And tickets to the lands of the unknown with starry-eyed ghosts of our pasts” ^like that, for example. (if it makes sense at all =P) Anyway, you write the way you wanna write. It’s just a tip I always preferred not using punctuation with my writing. My poems are one big run-on sentence. XD But thank you so much! And to Ginger Nuts as well. :] Glad you missed me. XD I would hate to come back and have no one care. Oh, thanks to Desperate for attention as well. :]
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	January 6th, 2007 at 08:37pm °MorbidRose°: My poems are one big run-on sentence. XD The only part where I thought it was a little too run-ony was the first stanza. The sentence when on for a bit too much, I thought. Otherwise, I love it. And your last line is an awesome way to end it. You wouldn't think that the word rollercoasters would fit so well in poetry, but it really did. Wonderful job. And like everyone else, I totally missed you.

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