Paradiese(?)

AuthorMessage
_maybe_someone_loves_me_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
_maybe_someone_loves_me_
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 35
January 16th, 2007 at 08:23am
I got an F, slice
I got in a fight, slice
I forget my necklace
the one he gave me, slice
I didn't make the team, slice
Slice after Slice take me away
take me to Paradiese
Take me to where the understand
Take my hand and look, don't
say "Why" just say "I understand"



I got an F, you understand
I got in a fight, you understand
I forgot your necklace, you
understand
I didn't make the team, you understand
I'm in paradiese.
With you
Mrs. Lee
Jackass
Mrs. Lee
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 1428

Mibba
January 16th, 2007 at 10:07am
Paradise.*

Um. It doesn't have a good Idea for the poem.
I just that maybe you could used to different words rather then slice
And maybe even understand
You could of put hidden meanings, and metorphoric words, to make it longer and more poetic.

But it's a good start. Very Happy
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