rage;love;clark Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 494 | January 22nd, 2007 at 07:33pm The longer I stare at the light
The longer it stares at me
The closer I am to death
The sooner I'll be free
You can take all this pain
And make it go away
But you'll leave me on the curb
Soaking in the rain
You can fucking drive me to the
Fucking living end
If I'm not your enemy then
I must be your friend
Yeah! |
max is a hottie*83 Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 29 | January 22nd, 2007 at 08:30pm wow very good |
rage;love;clark Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 494 | January 22nd, 2007 at 09:32pm gracias |
Arcane-Inamorata King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 3278
| January 22nd, 2007 at 10:50pm That was pretty cool, but I didn't really like how you used the word "fucking" in two places close together. It could just be me though. |
rage;love;clark Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 494 | January 23rd, 2007 at 08:24pm thank you |
Mrs. Lee Jackass
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 1428
| January 24th, 2007 at 05:52am Very good. 
Doesn't need any fixing what so ever. |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | January 24th, 2007 at 02:19pm I agree with Arcane-Inamorata. I think if you took out the first 'fucking' it'd sound better.
I almost always love how you write in perfect rhyme without it sounding banal and cliched.  Awesomeness. |
rage;love;clark Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 494 | January 25th, 2007 at 02:02pm thank you thank you
i will take out the first fucking |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921
| January 25th, 2007 at 02:15pm I actually like the fuckings together.
You just have to have it in the right rhythm in you head or something. |