charmishgirl
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 315
 | January 23rd, 2007 at 10:03pm I thought you were the one
I thought you were cool
I thoiught you were everything
I live with fear and hatred
You turned my life upside down
Ever since that first kiss
We have been going up and down
LIke an elevator
I would love for you to stop
But you just won't
Then you come and end it all
What was I to do when you didn't care
Was I supposed to act as if it were nothing?
Life is supposed to be passionate
Why can't you see that baby?
LIfe is supposed to be with us, right now
I go by my day like a zombie and tell yoiu I love you
When the only thing that will wake me from my sleep
is the one thing i dread
i love you is not just one way
You never knew this
I can't believe I fooleld myself
Into thinking you were the one
Now the sky turns to black
as I say my last goodbye
and I just......... walk away |
Mrs. Lee
Jackass
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 1428
| January 24th, 2007 at 05:51am Really good song lyrics.
Keep practising.
Spelling needs to improve too.  |
charmishgirl
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 315
| January 26th, 2007 at 06:49pm I feel so, like unloved!!! People, comment on my weird poem that I made in ten minutes |
C.j. Hardcore Pansy
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 97
| January 26th, 2007 at 06:53pm I like it. very....detailed. i suck at free verse, but i really liked yours. remineded me of my ex..... |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 87
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
 | January 26th, 2007 at 06:57pm Eh... it's okay...
Didn't strike my interest very much.
I liked:
What was I to do when you didn't care
Was I supposed to act as if it were nothing?
Life is supposed to be passionate
Why can't you see that baby?
That part was good.
I found the rest a little too cliche' though...
Maybe if you changed the wording around.
Use some metaphors.. =]
You have potential. Keep trying. |
charmishgirl
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 315
| January 26th, 2007 at 08:06pm Okay, thanx!! I think I sucked, but it's only a draft... I wanted people to help me with it a little bit |
