Chrystal Tears

You may have seen this poem before in my sig, I've had it there for a while while I edited it, added to it etc. It's still not 100% done (as any poem would be) but I'm satisfied with it for now, until I add even more to it. comments and critisizm are greatly encouraged I'll keep you updated.

Chrystal tears,
And bloodshot eyes,
Tradgedies,
and shreiking cries,
Living while dying
Loosing hope but not faith,
Joy leads to crying,
yet you leave with no trace...

WOW!!
i love the snappy feel to it
not sure about the last line but only cause it dosnt feel as snappy as the rest of it but it sounds good.
i love it i wouldnt change it...

tyco:

WOW!!
i love the snappy feel to it
not sure about the last line but only cause it dosnt feel as snappy as the rest of it but it sounds good.
i love it i wouldnt change it...

Thanks
Yea I wasn't sure about the last line. I might work on fixing it or changing it cuz it's not 100% to me. I think I've improved though.

anyone else have comments?

Extended version:

Chrystal tears,
And bloodshot eyes,
Tradgedies,
and shreiking cries.
Hoping to escape,
but enclosing yourself,
yet you still say,
you'll do fine with no help.
Crying
and screaming,
fighting
and dreaming.
Living while dying
Loosing hope but not faith,
Joy leads to crying,
yet you leave with no trace.

=)

and just 2 more poems cuz I'm in the mood

Alone,
she's in control,
she'll scream,
she'll cut.
In her mind,
she's a rebel,
she'll be free,
and confront.
She'll keep thinking,
about the person
she wishes to be,
But glance at her once,
and she'll disapear,
almost instantly.
Contradicting herself,
in every right,
Acting strong,
ready to fight.
But in reality,
she's nothing more,
then a ghost in the corner.
She's what she swore
she'd never be.

and...

Everymorning,
A new face is put,
Revived and strong,
With a new out-look.

By the time 3:10 comes,
She's destroyed and she's jaded,
All her hopes are lost,
And the real her has faded.

She convinces herself,
That one day it'll all change,
She'll be given a chance,
She'll be able to manage.

Though deep inside she knows,
that one day can't change her world,
she'll never be able to show,
the person she really is.

Um, I'm not gonna comment about those other 2 poems. You should post them in their own section. Anyways, nice poem. Even though it was short, it was good. Um, but the bold doesn't totally need to be there. It's your poem you can do what you like.