FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
 | January 25th, 2007 at 11:52am It started out along the lyrical style of the Fall of Troy (example here), but then it died or something.
This Is What Happens When You Can’t Win
Run to crack the street,
Run to jar your knees.
Pull back the skin
to reveal bones split,
Ruined and Skeletal.
A dismantling dance of
stumbling
only to stagger;
a deathly dagger.
Made casualty by
A glass of stomach acid
Dropped one too many times.
Break.
Break!
Break.
Break!
Poem continues on next page.
[Proof of this page is thought to have never existed.] |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
 | January 25th, 2007 at 12:36pm O_O I love that.
"A dismantling dance of
stumbling
only to stagger;
a deathly dagger." is lurve. And I also really like the "Break/break/break" thing. It gives the poem a physical shape. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| January 25th, 2007 at 12:47pm Whee! Thank you. 
EDIT: Anybody have any better ideas for a title? I was trying to go for something really obnoxious but it didn't work out.  |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| January 25th, 2007 at 01:17pm May I ask why you want an obnoxious title? |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| January 25th, 2007 at 01:19pm It's for a story I'm writing that doesn't entirely make sense unless you put all the pieces together. Hard to explain. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | January 25th, 2007 at 01:29pm Dooooooooood.
I love you, and I hate you at the same time.
And I agree with lyrical_mess, the physical shape really added to the experience of reading it... I love. |
