I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Jackass
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1019
 | January 26th, 2007 at 04:57pm Oh yes, please.
Lie to me again.
Who needs to truth
When we can all pretend?
I wish I had this lifestyle.
I wish I looked like her.
I wish I could see but
The tears make my vision a blur.
Pre-Chorus
Oh what's there to say
When you can't think
Of another lie?
Just cry, oh yes, cry.
Chorus
I don't care if you can't see,
I don't care if this is fake,
I don't care about any of you,
I don't care if you break.
You lied to me about everything
But I don't know who to blame.
Is it my fault or yours?
I found out again
That you feel no ruth.
Well I'm not surprised
To tell you the truth.
I knew you were fake
From the beginning when
Everyone told me.
Great, it's happened again.
*Pre-Chorus*
*Chorus*
Do you think I care?
Because I don't.
You think I'll feel sad?
Well, I won't.
Kill yourself and see.
You weren't important enough to me.
Go ahead! Show!
I knew you were so weak.
But once your walls start crumbling down
The truth begins to leak
From those lips, so red.
I see you've bitten your lip
To the point of where it bled.
It was that hard to tell the truth?
What is there really to say
When you can't think
Of another lie? |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| February 1st, 2007 at 12:33pm I like the first verse and the ending a lot. Those very real nicely written.  The rest is ok. You rhymed quite well though. But I think you repeated some words a bit too much, like “fake” for example. And I really don’t like this part:
Do you think I care?
Because I don't.
You think I'll feel sad?
Well, I won't.
Kill yourself and see.
You weren't important enough to me.
I’m sorry but it’s just so painfully cliché.
Apart from that you did rather good. Keep on writing! |
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Jackass
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1019
| February 1st, 2007 at 07:43pm Yeah, I know it was easy to write and cliche but it seemed to fit in with something that I was really writing about. Sorry, but I'm sorta sick of seeing people who are lie and then are all like, "FINE I'LL JUST KILL MYSELFKLJFDAL!" SO yeah. But THANK YOU for commenting. =] |
sexx laws.
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 74 | February 2nd, 2007 at 05:07pm This is incredibly weak and unoriginal. The rhyming is forced and meaning is the same as everything on this board. Put in something of yourself into that. So far, it looks like a grey blur. Add some colour. Put in some bang. |
the new pollution.
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 18 | February 2nd, 2007 at 05:17pm Don't post "*Pre-Chorus* *Chorus*"
That's lazy.
It only works if you're putting them in a lyrics booklet where space is limited.
You have the space, use it.
Copy + paste them instead of making the reader do the work.
+ originality would be nice. |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| February 3rd, 2007 at 11:24am I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!:Yeah, I know it was easy to write and cliche but it seemed to fit in with something that I was really writing about. Sorry, but I'm sorta sick of seeing people who are lie and then are all like, "FINE I'LL JUST KILL MYSELFKLJFDAL!" SO yeah. But THANK YOU for commenting. =]
I know what you mean. But try to write something more difficult then =] Just because what you’ve written fits an emotion you have doesn’t make it great, you know? You’re welcome =) |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
 | February 5th, 2007 at 07:43pm The emotion is there in your song, but it's a bit cliche. Try showing instead of telling. Nice start.
sexx laws.:This is incredibly weak and unoriginal. The rhyming is forced and meaning is the same as everything on this board. Put in something of yourself into that. So far, it looks like a grey blur. Add some colour. Put in some bang.
Let's try to be a bit nicer, okay? If you don't like a person's writing, that's fine. But you don't need to generalize and criticize the entire board. |
