songs!

ok well my one is more of a song but i hope you enjoy it anyways


[Chorus] I'm dying,
I'm dying to hold you,
Cuz I need you,
I need your love, to live,

So I'm dying.

[Verse 1] These feelings I have,
Are killing me, my heart and my mind,
You dont realise how strong they are,
Yet I no you dont love me, dont love me.

[Chorus]

[V2] People tell me your with her,
That other girl, Shes pretty and smart,
And you love her,
Now thats tearing me apart, me apart.

[Chorus] x 2


it goes to the 'no it isnt' by +44 tune its rubbish int it??? lol

I'm not tryibg to be harsh, but it's very cliché and trite. You also have some spelling mistakes that you should fix.

Just some helpful advice too when writing songs: Try to think of your own melody in order to write the words. Don't try to fit words along to another song- that just makes it even more unoriginal, you know?

Better yet- maybe it would be in the best interest to not have a melody in your head when you write. Just write, and fit a melody to it. That way, you're not restrcting yourself to what you can and cannot say.

Also- instead of telling us these things about your hurt love and this girl, show them to us. How is your heart and mind being killed? What makes this girl pretty and smart? Things like that.

Keep writing, though! Everyone has to start somewhere.

wait_what:

I'm not tryibg to be harsh, but it's very cliché and trite. You also have some spelling mistakes that you should fix.

Just some helpful advice too when writing songs: Try to think of your own melody in order to write the words. Don't try to fit words along to another song- that just makes it even more unoriginal, you know?

Better yet- maybe it would be in the best interest to not have a melody in your head when you write. Just write, and fit a melody to it. That way, you're not restrcting yourself to what you can and cannot say.

Also- instead of telling us these things about your hurt love and this girl, show them to us. How is your heart and mind being killed? What makes this girl pretty and smart? Things like that.

Keep writing, though! Everyone has to start somewhere.

thanks for your comments ill keep them in mind

I think it sounds kind of dull, it needs some kind of fluent rhythm i say and it's a little bit on the short side, but I like the idea

mzcrazyagogo:

I think it sounds kind of dull, it needs some kind of fluent rhythm i say and it's a little bit on the short side, but I like the idea

thanks for the 1 complement lol