| Author | Message |
|---|
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
  | February 8th, 2007 at 10:31am Yo!!!! This is my entry for this fortnights Writers Circle. The topic is "philosophy."
Pushover
Where I am to go
And who I am to be
Whilst you shove down my throat
Your bland philosophy?
I eschew your rebellion
And I’ll rise above your high
These blasé swear words
Erupting from your throat
Serving no purpose
You can’t possibly know
What I should do
What I should love…
I’m not like you and I don’t need to be tough.
Take your psychobabble
Apply it somewhere else
It won’t work on me.
You may think that you’re free
But you’ve built your own cell
Take father’s money
And mom’s cigarettes
Live in smoke and mirrors
In conformist hell.
As for me, I choose to think
I’ve the rest of my life to rebel.
inspired in part by my brother. |
*they_call_me Ri*
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 177 | February 8th, 2007 at 07:10pm sweet ... =] |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| February 10th, 2007 at 11:30pm Thankee! |
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Jackass
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1019
| February 11th, 2007 at 09:31am I loved it. Great rhyming and structure.
lyrical_mess:Take your psychobabble
Apply it somewhere else
It won’t work on me.
You may think that you’re free
But you’ve built your own cell
Take father’s money
And mom’s cigarettes
Live in smoke and mirrors
In conformist hell.
As for me, I choose to think
I’ve the rest of my life to rebel.
Really good part. Again, your wording is really good. There's nothing really wrong with this poem. Great job. |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| February 11th, 2007 at 09:41am *bows* Thank you. That means a lot. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| February 11th, 2007 at 09:44am alsdkfj;asdklf 
OSM flow, kid. And the rhyming kinda tickled my fancy.  |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| February 11th, 2007 at 11:28am wsghekghekrjh!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PANDA BEAR!!!!!!  |
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Jackass
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1019
| February 11th, 2007 at 12:46pm lyrical_mess:*bows* Thank you. That means a lot.
You're very welcome. =] |
Tyler Durden
Jackass
Age: -
Gender: Male
Posts: 1454
| February 16th, 2007 at 09:21pm seriously, that was pretty good.
scratch that. REALLY good. don't change a thing!! it pawns. |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
| February 18th, 2007 at 06:26pm I really like it. I'm not sure if it's meant to be this way- but it kind of made me laugh a bit. It's not that it's not serious... It just is like this kid, and someone's annoying the hell out of him/her, telling him/her what to do, and the kid is just like, "You know what? Screw you." (Obviously.) It just makes me smile a bit.
Awesome flow and rhymes. The last lines are so fitting. I love it.  |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| February 20th, 2007 at 10:45am Yeah, actually, you're right. My brother's always telling me not to let people walk all over me and that I need to fight my way through, "fight the system" if you will. It's very annoying. |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| February 20th, 2007 at 01:38pm I agree with wait_ what on the flow and rhymes. Nice work. It also has a good structure. It goes well with the topic “Philosophy” too. When I read I feel that it has this annoyed and frustrated tone, which I think is great because it suits the poem. I like it a lot.
I red your topic on Specific Discussion, the one about siblings and abuse. So I think I have a pretty good idea about where this poem came from in a way. |
