Milk
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3741
  | February 15th, 2007 at 11:55pm Sadistic Smile
The moving truck pulled away
You were gone for another day
I didn't know it would be awhile
Before I saw that sadistic smile
It's been so long, a waste of time
I really thought you were all mine
You were there, you are for me
Sadistic smile I'll never see
[Chorus]
Good times, bad times, all around
You made me safe, you made me sound
And now there's nothing I can do
I like my family more than you
So smile at me, and make me sad
I'm going to miss you oh-so bad
Once you leave, I can not stay
You made me happy, you made my day
Calling names, not truly real
Don't unerstand how you make me feel
So go fast, I can not bear
You smile as you leave me here
[Chorus]
You can smile, but you're not elated
You can pretend, but the will is jaded
I might say that I miss you
But sometimes fact isn't always true. |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| February 17th, 2007 at 01:36pm its lovely, its beautiful. |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
| February 18th, 2007 at 06:20pm I typically hate simple rhymes, but you do a very good job at it. You have an excellent word choice as well. I particularly liked the "you can smile, but you're not elated/You can pretend, but the will is jaded" part.
I can picture this as a soft, sad song. If it's not, I'm sure it could be pretty awesome as a hard-rocking song, too, but I can jsut hear this soft, sad voice with like, an acoustic guitar, just singing it full of emotion. Good job! |
Milk
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3741
| February 19th, 2007 at 01:59am Thank you so much.
And wait_what, you give very good critisism.
It is a soft song, and I nearly choke up when I sing it. |
