Willingly

Okay, the topic is Bliss and I tried to idk, create the feeling of bliss without actually mentioning it or associating it with anything direct (ie: love, childhood, an actual experience etc.) anyway. I don't know if I like it, I kind of went through my old poetry and added new stuff, piecing together the contribution for Writer's Circle. So, yeah, opinions greatly appreciated. Concrit even more so.

Willingly (bad title, I know.)


The sky has turned upside down today,
patches of- what we call blue, an open abyss spilling depth into its surroundings.
Evaporating emotions
form clouds
so they can intertwine at my ankles.

This seems endless, naked eternity in all it's bare innocense,
unsuspended freedom reaching massive heights.
There is no explination,
just yards of unclipped wings that are
stretching, trembling at the cool kiss wind provides, almost half-heartedly.

Why not fly? Swim on invisible supports,
use this unthought of equilibrium as a way to distract my heart from
racing,
life's thread inches closer to cutting loose my soul;

allowing it to meet with unended belief.
My breath, icy waterfalls trickling down my throat,
making the wounds of regretful words close up,
rawness gone.
Allowing my skin, petal-like in all its frailty,
to blush golden.
I am light to the touch, an absence.

A dew drop in the incarnate past,
seperated from wooden pain and invisible pockets which carry ravanous
hurricaines,
I am dust.
Skin particles left to blow away with the breezes the slightest change of opinion or tone possesses.
I am shrouded in acceptance.

Not with the closed roads and alleys do I find comfort with,
and, alas, your gaze (so full of contempt; else so widened with doubt) holds no meaning.
I find comfort and embrace within familiar hide,
my flesh and what is buried within;
that which is warm with molton love and kept awake, fresh, cool
with my disdain for justification.

Oh my God, I absolutely love it. I think the best thing about the entire piece is that because you weren't relating it to anything specific, just about anyone can take their own personal meaning from it - which is one of the best things you can do. Those first few lines just left me wanting more, the images there were particularly strong; beautiful.

At times the structure looked a little untidy, but I think structure is just a personal problem of mine because I work in definate shape. But that didn't detract from the content, which was absolutely fabulous.

'My breath, icy waterfalls trickling down my throat,
making the wounds of regretful words close up,
rawness gone'.
^That was one my favourite extracts, the alliteration made it a joy to read.

Tabby Delany:

Oh my God, I absolutely love it. I think the best thing about the entire piece is that because you weren't relating it to anything specific, just about anyone can take their own personal meaning from it - which is one of the best things you can do. Those first few lines just left me wanting more, the images there were particularly strong; beautiful.

I love it so much it almost hurts. This is the second time I read it and I read it once and then purposely waited a day or two before reading it again. And I still love it the same! But because I didn’t comment the first time I read it Ellen went ahead and stole exactly what I wanted to say .

I have no problem with the structure though. At all. Because you made it work so perfectly with the tone of the poem and it created such a splendid flow that suited the imagery beautifully. And even though you had this untidy structure the poem didn’t become difficult to read.

I adore the parenthesis by the way. I think you pulled that of very well.

The whole poem is brilliant but if I had to choose I think I’d pick the first two stanzas as my favourite because of their wording, imagery, flow and structure (which I find particularly appealing in those stanzas).

In my opinion the poem relates fine to the topic. But I didn’t pick this topic so don’t quote me on that =P

Is it ok if i save it and print it btw?

Thanks guys! It means a lot coming from you both. I can see how I should organize it maybe a little better, but....that sort of thing doesn't come naturally.

What's in a Name:

Is it ok if i save it and print it btw?

Sure!

Evaporating emotions
form clouds
so they can intertwine at my ankles.

Allowing my skin, petal-like in all its frailty,
to blush golden.
I am light to the touch, an absence.

I love these two parts the best. Your poem is extremely beautiful, but those two parts are so interestingly lovely. The imagery is awesome.

And I love your title. I think it's very appropriate for your poem.

I'm going to go along with the others and say to work on the form a bit more. There were some places where a line break would have made the part stick out more.

Awesome poem. I love it.

wait_what:

Evaporating emotions
form clouds
so they can intertwine at my ankles.

Allowing my skin, petal-like in all its frailty,
to blush golden.
I am light to the touch, an absence.

I love these two parts the best. Your poem is extremely beautiful, but those two parts are so interestingly lovely. The imagery is awesome.

And I love your title. I think it's very appropriate for your poem.

I'm going to go along with the others and say to work on the form a bit more. There were some places where a line break would have made the part stick out more.

Awesome poem. I love it.

I usually find that once I look over a poem after I've written it [like, a month later] I can re-write it with better form.

Thanks for the compliments, though!