Circus Freak

I could paint you a picture
With all the blood that I’ve bled
And I could sing you a song,
With the words from my head.
I could write you a story,
Like no other you’ve read.
And I could scare you breathless,
With the monsters beneath my bed.

I could make your heart ache,
A trick I’ve learned well.
I could sell my soul to the Devil,
To ensure my place in Hell.
I could make myself cry,
And then lock up my shell.
I could put on a play,
And pretend you know me well...

-x-x-x-

Yip. T'is all. I'm pretty sure I know what you'll all have to say about it, but tell me anyways XD

you should write more than just two verses, it gets too interesting once you reach the end of the second verse, and then you are filled with dissapointment lol but its good

Yeah, more than two stanzas. Anyways, it was good but did end kinda abruptly.

More or less, I liked it and it wasn't bad. Just maybe you could write longer and such. And use rhymes that are kind of harder. ^_^ Good job overall.

Two stanzas can be a perfect length for a poem. You don’t have to write longer poems. In this particular case I agree with the others though, there could have been a tiny bit more. Not to much, but perhaps two more stanzas or maybe one stanza and some sort of one/two lined ending? Because at least I feel that there’s something missing, that these stanzas are fragments of a longer poem. It’s sort of like this poem person begins to tell a story but leaves out vital details and the ends before even getting started. Your poem is well written but (I’m speaking only for myself) it’s really hard to understand why this poem person does/will do certain things. Like why is he/she selling his/her soul to the Devil? Why is he/she going to pretend that the one he/she speaks of knows him/her well? (and so on). Now I can guess and I can interpret, it’s not that, but this poem just has more to say, you know?

I think that your poem has a great flow and I’m just curious; did you count the syllables? If not you’re gifted . Anyway, I think you rhymed very well. Can’t detect any forced rhyming. The words you rhymed with was very common but I think you made it work thanks to the great phrasing.

In one line though I would suggest a change to make it flow smoother:
“With the monsters beneath my bed.”
I just feel that it flows better if I use that word when reading your poem aloud, but of course it’s up to you.

I liked your poem even if it was a little incomplete and I think you’re doing great so keep writing!

What's in a name?:

Two stanzas can be a perfect length for a poem. You don’t have to write longer poems. In this particular case I agree with the others though, there could have been a tiny bit more. Not to much, but perhaps two more stanzas or maybe one stanza and some sort of one/two lined ending? Because at least I feel that there’s something missing, that these stanzas are fragments of a longer poem. It’s sort of like this poem person begins to tell a story but leaves out vital details and the ends before even getting started. Your poem is well written but (I’m speaking only for myself) it’s really hard to understand why this poem person does/will do certain things. Like why is he/she selling his/her soul to the Devil? Why is he/she going to pretend that the one he/she speaks of knows him/her well? (and so on). Now I can guess and I can interpret, it’s not that, but this poem just has more to say, you know?

I think that your poem has a great flow and I’m just curious; did you count the syllables? If not you’re gifted . Anyway, I think you rhymed very well. Can’t detect any forced rhyming. The words you rhymed with was very common but I think you made it work thanks to the great phrasing.

In one line though I would suggest a change to make it flow smoother:
“With the monsters beneath my bed.”
I just feel that it flows better if I use that word when reading your poem aloud, but of course it’s up to you.

I liked your poem even if it was a little incomplete and I think you’re doing great so keep writing!

Thanks very much I'm going to use that suggestion, kay? XD *changes it*

Scott's A Dork.:

Thanks very much I'm going to use that suggestion, kay? XD *changes it*

You’re welcome Yeah, of course