Nightmares.xx
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 14
  | March 17th, 2007 at 01:54am ok.. this definetly isnt my best work...
but go easy on the critisism...
i just got over like... 6 months of mind boggling writers block...
i havent written anything real since i broke up with my last boyfriend...
calll me pathetic, but whatever...
so here goes.
Hiding and crying.
Broken hearts.
Carelessness, Ignorance.
Can't he see?
Can he not see me?
Used and abused.
Hiding and crying.
Neglectfulness, obliviousness.
I wish I had the confidence...
I wish I had the words.
I wish this was not reality. |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | March 17th, 2007 at 02:29pm wow. that was amazing |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| March 19th, 2007 at 03:52pm beautifully written |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
| March 19th, 2007 at 04:29pm It's okay. I think what would make your poetry better is if you use imagery and metaphor. Show, don't tell. How is "he" careless and ignorant? Where is the speaker hiding? How are they crying? Things of that sort. |
