Midstream Venture.
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| Revenge;; Geek  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 270  | Midstream Venture. I’ll weep for tomorrow An angel’s grace can’t save me now My old hopes are gone and faded I’ll soon float away Being held in captivity My blank sky shows no passing way out I’m crying these blood filled tears I’m pusillanimously hearted When you come to bang on the bars of my cage Tortured and abused But, you seem so amused Huddling in my damp corner Nothing is never enough for you Slowly dying and slipping away My blank sky now being filled with black clouds The thunder rolls, and the lightning strikes I’ll rise above this all And dance in the rain, one last time You’ll burn in hell for this No one deserves to be put through this pain My angels will carry me away As your demons pull you into the depths of hell I’ll carry on But, will you? I’ll become somebody As your alter ego dies I’ll leave you behind You’ll be an unwanted memory Never will I let you cross my mind You don’t deserve it Now, I love it when it rains It reminds me when I was set free Dancing and getting drenched I feel so alive |
| PONED Geek  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 257 | awesome!! |
| wait_what Geek  Age: 38 Gender: Female Posts: 411  | You have some good ideas and concepts going on here, but you need to still work on your imagery and metaphors to make it really tight and apt. Using the storm metaphors are effective, but kind of overdone, in my opinion. You also have some spelling (dieing needs to be dying) and grammar mistakes. For example- "My blank sky shows no passage way out" Passage doesn't work there. Passing would, though. "I’m pusillanimous hearted" You're using an adjective to describe a verb which isn't allowed. You need to conjugate pusillanimous into adverb form: pusillanimously. Just make sure to check on your spelling and grammar before posting. You have a ton of potential! Keep writing! |
| Revenge;; Geek Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 270 | Thank-you both very much, and thank-you wait_what for the tips... |
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