while i sleep

Watch as I fall and can't get up
I try to get out but I then get stuck

Listen as I scream when no one can hear
Tell me if this is my fate and the end is near

But then you wake up from these crazy dreams
And realize life's not as bad as it seems

But when you fall asleep again one night
Watch scary movies inside your eyelids, and scream from the sight

While tossing and turning sweat runs down your face
It seems you'll never get out of this horrible place

Again you wake up and the day is new
Like every normal day, do what you always do

But dare I say when the day is done?
Yes, the day is over, but the nightmare's just begun.

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! That was sooooooooooooo good u r a great writer!!!!!!!!!

Very well written.

thank you!

Lots of potential. I remember sitting and writing poems a hell of a lot similar to this about a year ago. I think you're going to improve a hell of a lot, but at the moment it sounds in places very cliched and average.

'But when you fall asleep again one night
Watch scary movies inside your eyelids, and scream from the sight'.
^But I did think that was good. I haven't seen that image before, of scary movies behind eyelids. Perhaps just 'eyes' would've improved the flow, though.

The flow is suprisingly good, which why I think you'll improve if you work really hard.

Hope that helps.

i liked it...very nice....very good....^.^

But i agree ^

Cliched, yes... but also very well written.

I liked the last line.

You have a lot of potential, yes. Try and use some metaphors when writing. They really help bring out good imagery in a poem, and imagery give a poem life.

But good job anyways! I liked it!

WOW!!! thats all I can say because it was realy good!!!! great job!

thanks you!!!