Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | April 13th, 2007 at 05:28pm Such a beautiful eye-fuck, the perfect
two-dimensional fantasy; figure full-formed
for claiming and lips shaped like lust.
Skin untended by bruised ovals (Anemia
Infatuation); she serves as his
canvas for perversion tonight.
His palms cup beer bottles in preparation
- compensation - moulding skin to curved
craft while her gaze stretches across
the bar to morning. And he can only
stumble after tonight through pupils
diluted with whisky; an intoxicated case
of vision slurred, speech obscured.
But it wasn't for philanderous palms nor
drunken alleys that this Cleopatra was
created. Her white wine implies other
intentions, bluets fingertips purer
motives: she's a spirit-spun epitome
of academia, striving for success
inside psychological pyschosis
while he works within a mumbling
mouth for coherent sentences.
Yes, she's such a beautiful eye-fuck, sir,
such a wondrous painting of chastity. |
SugarGreen
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3369 | April 13th, 2007 at 05:53pm I like. It gives a vivid picture. |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | April 14th, 2007 at 04:21pm wow. that was really good. i pictured it in my mind somehow..lol great job |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | April 16th, 2007 at 01:07pm Criticism - I thought how '- compensation -' was worked into the poem made it a little choppy.
But that's it, I absolutely love it. That first stanza was just insanely beautiful. I love how you manipulate imagery of traditional, common ideas, but make them fresh, new, and exciting, which I admire so much. |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
  | April 16th, 2007 at 01:54pm Wow...I can't really think of anything to say.
But I actually liked the "compensation" thing. |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | April 16th, 2007 at 03:19pm Wow. Thank you so much guys.
Yeah, I actually thought the whole compensation thing was a little too much as well, Ellen. A little too inforced rhyme. |
