Sperm donors and surrogate mothers.

AuthorMessage
Brendon Urie..
King For A Couple Of Days
Brendon Urie..
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2394

Mibba
April 26th, 2007 at 11:27am
This was original going to be about sperm donors, but I'll include surrogate mothers as well.

A sperm donor is somebody who donates their sperm to a blood bank. A mother/couple can then use the sperm to impregnate the mother and she can have a child.

A surrogate mother is somebody who carries a child to term for another mother/couple if the mother cannot do so herself.

Should these people have custodial rights? Should a surrogate mother be able to keep the child she carries? Should a sperm donor be able to find his child and demand custodial rights?

I say no. Basically these people entered into a contract and they should not be allowed to terminate it. That's my legal opinion.

Personally, I will be having children using a sperm donor. As far as I know, two women can't have a baby together yet without sperm. I do not want my child to have a father. S/he will have two mothers who love him/her greatly. I would never want the sperm donor to walk to my door and ask to see his child. He gave up his sperm. He has no say to my child.
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
April 26th, 2007 at 11:39am
Well, I think the surrogate mother should work it out with the parents and sign a document with a witness and stuff.

As for sperm donors, I think they should put a thingy when they donate their sperm. Like a little form that says whether or not they want to see the child that is born out of their sperm. That way, parents can choose when they're given a sperm sample. The doctor can ask them "Will you care if in 10 years some dude comes knocking for his kid?". And if the parents say yes, he can take it from the "I donated it, its not mine, end of story" sperm stock. If the parents don't care or want to invite the donor to be a part of the child's life, the doctor can take it from the "Child knows its bio dad" sperm stock.

I know this post sounds kind of silly, but its not. I just couldn't think of better phrases.
Matt Smith
Admin
Matt Smith
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 31134

Mibba Blog
April 26th, 2007 at 01:58pm
Quote
I think yes. Because my experience is not in the law. Legal contracts, I have no knowledge of, and I care little for them anyway. Its not something that interests or matters to me at all. To quote; 'the law is only a word for what has a right to happen. When the law is wrong, it is because it is unnatural'.

People consider a 'mother' to be sooooo veeeery iiiiimportanté when it comes to abortion debates, although some people go all sci-fi and think that women are kind of uberhost things. Its like, wait, make up your mind, por favor?

I mean, I don't know, would you like to know something cool about me?
I'm like my dad a lot. We have same eyes, same hair colour, similar personalities, music taste, ethics, likes and dislikes. In fact, 50% of my sum total of existance comes from him. I wonder what would happen if you sucked away that 50% at conception. I'd be a half-child, some unformed thing. It'd, you know, suck. Gametes are important, people. They make who you are.

And I think that if women have the right to control whether their "potential baby" lives or dies in the situation of abortion, they have rights enough to decide who brings the child up, be it them or otherwise.

Aaaand I also have the incredibly stupid principle that men and women are equal, so I say men have equal that right. Because whereas I might be a raving idiot, I'm also a feminist, which means I think equal rights for women is cool. Giving women superior rights to men would violate my principles, so that can go to hell in a handcart as far as I care.

Good day.
anti social
Jackass
anti social
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 1179
April 26th, 2007 at 04:05pm
i agree about the first thing about sperm donors. its like donating your blood and asking for it back. not really though.

well, i don't really get the part about surrogate mothers [i'm not intellegent like you are] so could you please elaborate?
Kurtni
Admin
Kurtni
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 34289

Mibba Blog
April 26th, 2007 at 05:50pm
See, the thing is when kids get older, they often wonder who their other half is. I think when they turn 18, they should have access to the information to contact their father. If they want to develop a relationship that is there choice.

Now, all of this is worked out long before the baby is even born anyways. Sperm donors have to sign contracts before they donate sperm, so do the people who recieve the sperm. Typically, surrogate mothers aren't some random chick off the street. Have you seen that episode of Friends where Phoebe is the surrogate mother for her brother/cousin/friend ( I dont remember which)? Thats usually how it happens. So, not only is it legally documented if they have any custodial rights, but their is a friendship or some other relationship behind it.

So, they have whatever custodial rights are guranteed to them in whatever legal documents they sign. If they sign those rights away, you can't just pop up one day and say you changed your mind. That can totally alter peoples lives.
Brendon Urie..
King For A Couple Of Days
Brendon Urie..
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2394

Mibba
April 26th, 2007 at 06:43pm
Kurtni:
Typically, surrogate mothers aren't some random chick off the street. Have you seen that episode of Friends where Phoebe is the surrogate mother for her brother/cousin/friend ( I dont remember which)? Thats usually how it happens. So, not only is it legally documented if they have any custodial rights, but their is a friendship or some other relationship behind it.

Surrogate mothers can also come from an agency though and have no relationship to the person.
Kurtni
Admin
Kurtni
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 34289

Mibba Blog
April 26th, 2007 at 11:20pm
druscilla; in rags:
Kurtni:
Typically, surrogate mothers aren't some random chick off the street. Have you seen that episode of Friends where Phoebe is the surrogate mother for her brother/cousin/friend ( I dont remember which)? Thats usually how it happens. So, not only is it legally documented if they have any custodial rights, but their is a friendship or some other relationship behind it.

Surrogate mothers can also come from an agency though and have no relationship to the person.

Which is why I said "typically, surrogate mothers aren't some random chick off the street". Typically, meaning not all the time.
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
April 26th, 2007 at 11:40pm
I just read this thing on how over a million men are raising children that aren't theirs without knowing it. Thr majority of them, once they find out, feel no compulsion to stay with the children. Many of them try and fail. Some just up and leave.

This one man found out that his 15 month old baby wasn't his. His wife was away at the time, so he just treated it like some kid. Fed it, changed it, but he felt no special love towards the baby anymore because the child had nothing to do with what happened between him and his wife. The article stated that men ususally feel drawn towards their own DNA, their own children, whearas women are more nuturing towards children that aren't theirs.

It did mention sperm donors and it said that the reason why sperm donors often seek out where their sperm went is because men want to know where there DNA is. They want to see it and be happy that they have a child. Its instinct.
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
PaNcAkEs
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808

Blog
April 27th, 2007 at 04:08am
i think that the child should know all that... but its not a must, some kids' worlds break together once they hear that...but yeah, and i think that we've got a law for that...
Brendon Urie..
King For A Couple Of Days
Brendon Urie..
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2394

Mibba
April 27th, 2007 at 10:24am
Kurtni:
druscilla; in rags:
Kurtni:
Typically, surrogate mothers aren't some random chick off the street. Have you seen that episode of Friends where Phoebe is the surrogate mother for her brother/cousin/friend ( I dont remember which)? Thats usually how it happens. So, not only is it legally documented if they have any custodial rights, but their is a friendship or some other relationship behind it.

Surrogate mothers can also come from an agency though and have no relationship to the person.

Which is why I said "typically, surrogate mothers aren't some random chick off the street". Typically, meaning not all the time.

I understand that you know. I just wanted to point it out to people who might not.
Brendon Urie..
King For A Couple Of Days
Brendon Urie..
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2394

Mibba
April 27th, 2007 at 10:25am
Mud-Cotton Lace:
i think that the child should know all that... but its not a must, some kids' worlds break together once they hear that...but yeah, and i think that we've got a law for that...

So we should inform kids they aren't biologically ours to cause heartbreak?
Wow, that's compassionate.
I think we should inform them so if they feel the need they can search out their medical history.
Obviously, my child will know some sperm donor out there helped create him/her.
But we shouldn't tell them to shatter their world.
That's heartless.
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
April 27th, 2007 at 11:31am
But isn't it sometimes important to have both biological parents in contact somewhere in case the kid needs an organ donation or they run out of blood or something?
Matt Smith
Admin
Matt Smith
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 31134

Mibba Blog
April 27th, 2007 at 11:41am
lyrical_mess:
But isn't it sometimes important to have both biological parents in contact somewhere in case the kid needs an organ donation or they run out of blood or something?

Totally.

I mean, it could save your child's life if they find out their bio father/mother and get a transplant or bone marrow or kidney, et cetera.
Brendon Urie..
King For A Couple Of Days
Brendon Urie..
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2394

Mibba
April 27th, 2007 at 05:32pm
lyrical_mess:
But isn't it sometimes important to have both biological parents in contact somewhere in case the kid needs an organ donation or they run out of blood or something?

Contact, perhaps.
Custodial rights, no.
I'm talking about a sperm donor wanting to see the product of his sperm, not getting medical history.
Kurtni
Admin
Kurtni
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 34289

Mibba Blog
April 27th, 2007 at 07:49pm
lyrical_mess:
The article stated that men ususally feel drawn towards their own DNA, their own children, whearas women are more nuturing towards children that aren't theirs.

.

Do you have a link to this article? Or can you site your source? Think
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
April 28th, 2007 at 02:26am
oops. I meant that woman are equally caring towards small children whether or not they are the mother. Anyway, here's the link to the article.

Are You Raising Another Man's Child?

This is the part I referenced:
There are those who believe that biology shouldn't make a difference, that fatherhood is just a social construct. Connaro himself refuses to let genetics stand between him and his son. "I'm the only man that he knows as his dad," he says. "Why should I lose that bond and that love?"

Many men in Connaro's position might not feel the same way. Studies show that evolution has designed men to care deeply about who their children are. In 2003, for instance, researchers at the State University of New York at Albany recruited 20 men and 20 women, then morphed their facial features with photographs of children. Subsequent testing showed that the women responded equally to photos of kids whose faces resembled theirs and those that resembled the faces of strangers. The men, on the other hand, reacted far more positively to children whose faces resembled their own.


This is something I thought was relevant to the topic:
Children, on the other hand, may grow up not knowing they carry a high genetic risk of a particular disease, such as depression, diabetes, or cancer. These days, with the growing role that genetics plays in our health outlook, knowing the identity of your biological father can be as important as knowing your blood type. One day it might save your life.

And also:
For example, battles over who the "real parent" is when you had a surrogate mother who changed her mind turned on how the outcome would affect the child. And, says Caplan, even fights about how old is too old for in vitro fertilization inevitably boiled down to one question: "Is it really in the best interest of the kid?"

Kids may be able to accept a nonbiological parent, says Robert Butterworth, Ph.D., a child psychologist in Los Angeles who sees PD cases every year. What they can't accept is finding out that they've been lied to, after a lifetime of hearing that lying is wrong. "Children are very good at pointing out when their parents are hypocrites," Butterworth says. "So the sense of betrayal can lead to anger and disruption. They may withdraw from both parents, the nonbiological as well as the one who lied."


But I think the article leads to another question. If the mother commits adultery, what happens when the real father comes to the door asking to see his child?
Brendon Urie..
King For A Couple Of Days
Brendon Urie..
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2394

Mibba
April 28th, 2007 at 10:53am
lyrical_mess:
But I think the article leads to another question. If the mother commits adultery, what happens when the real father comes to the door asking to see his child?

It really sucks when that happens. And when it's not in the best interest of the child it can probably be question in court.
But, like any sex, you need to be prepared for the consequences.
goldenplateddildo
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
goldenplateddildo
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2
September 21st, 2008 at 11:51pm
Totally unrelated, Science has just about constructed a way to create artificial sperm from bone marrow, which means lesbians can have babies from their own lover's DNA. You wouldn't need a man. But due to the fact that women have the xx chromosome, they can only have female children, unless of course the marrow is from a male, but that would be kind of pointless. Of course this leads to the fact that women will eventually take over the world... All joking aside, surrogate mothers are given much more credit, but of course they've spent nine difficult months with a baby.
Register