The Curse of Being a Writer

OK, I posted this poem before but wasn't completely confident about the structure etc. I just found out about this poetry competition in my area that I want to enter so I thought I'd re-work it for that. Let me know what you think. Even if you think it sucks.

Last night, I saw you kiss a simile by the river
where you first met me, its footprints smearing
mine from recognition. Your nails left half-moon
imprints against its spine, deep with intent, as you
held it apologetically before taking it to bed.

Under the first throes of sunlight, a stanza rose
on your lips while words broke through your
dreams: “Cariad, you look so beautiful viewed
this way; under a mesh of adjectives and eloquence.
With your imagery and my skill, we can take on the
world with you against this nib.” And I lay beside
you, motionless, trapped inside my human form.

My sweet-talking dreamer, I taste its resonance
on your lips as you wake, lips pursed with routine
to meet mine. There’s only a hint of you beneath it,
an inch that tastes so lonely you remind me of the
last raindrop in April; destined to fall but always
letting go too late to drift in sync with the others.

i think its just wonderful...really, i love how you wrote this, maybe its just me but there was a hint of sadness somehow cought between the lines. I personaly loved the third verse the most. I think its very good, and you might aswell enter it...but you could try writing a little more...its really interesting to read.

Mud-Cotton Lace:

i think its just wonderful...really, i love how you wrote this, maybe its just me but there was a hint of sadness somehow cought between the lines. I personaly loved the third verse the most. I think its very good, and you might aswell enter it...but you could try writing a little more...its really interesting to read.

Thank you so much.

anytime. I simply like what you write(hey..that rhymes!)

You? Suck? Never. You should know that by now.

I believe I remember this, and back then I loved it. I still love it... probably even more than before.

wait_what:

You? Suck? Never. You should know that by now.

I believe I remember this, and back then I loved it. I still love it... probably even more than before.

Thank you so much, darling.

omg Inari. I love it. It bears so much romantic in it. The words you pick to describe things are so intense. skdfhsk wow.

The only criticism that I have is that at times, the literary imagery can become a little cliche, but it really is hard to write about literature itself without sounding a little false. I only say this because a fair few of the magazines that I've ever sent off to have said not to send anything which uses literature itself as an inspiration, which I don't get because I think it mostly sounds good.

But I really love this. I especially like how you incorporated dialogue into it, which is something that I can never do well. I think I remember this very vaguely, but to be fair, I've been to sleep since then. Gorgeous.

Love:

omg Inari. I love it. It bears so much romantic in it. The words you pick to describe things are so intense. skdfhsk wow.

Thank you honey.

Tabby Delany:

The only criticism that I have is that at times, the literary imagery can become a little cliche, but it really is hard to write about literature itself without sounding a little false. I only say this because a fair few of the magazines that I've ever sent off to have said not to send anything which uses literature itself as an inspiration, which I don't get because I think it mostly sounds good.

But I really love this. I especially like how you incorporated dialogue into it, which is something that I can never do well. I think I remember this very vaguely, but to be fair, I've been to sleep since then. Gorgeous.

Thanks, darling. I'm beginning to count on your for your crit. It helps me perfect my pieces. What parts sound cliché to you? I'll see if I can tidy them up a bit.