Something I wrote. :/

AuthorMessage
Jesse Lacey
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Jesse Lacey
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 23946

Mibba Blog
April 29th, 2007 at 12:32pm
Sometimes I worry about you.
The things you do, the way you've changed.
You've matured too much, no laughter anymore.
Everythings going wrong, you've got no where to turn.
People've gone, left and right.

I've thought about you, a bit too much.
The changes you've went through, they're not good.
I used to look up to you for guidance and love.
Now I worry I won't be accepted with open arms.
The smiles are now frowns.
The songs of love turned to burning hate.

The passion youy felt, the things you cared about.
The laughter you brought when depression I felt.
The advice you gave, good or bad.
It's all gone to hell now.
Your words held such a place in my heart.

I've thought about you, a bit too much.
The changes you've went through, they're not good.
I used to look up to you for guidance and love.
Now I worry I won't be accepted with open arms.
The smiles are now frowns.
The songs of love turned to burning hate.

Cheer up they say but, they don't experience your pain.
Everywhere you go, finding fault is all you know.
You've lost all that you cared for.
You forgot all that you loved.
A lack of good parenting they say,
but far worse is the cause of your pain.

I've thought about you, a bit too much.
The changes you've went through, they're not good.
I used to look up to you for guidance and love.
Now I worry I won't be accepted with open arms.
The smiles are now frowns.
The songs of love turned to burning hate.

You used to be so original,
I'm afraid you lost that too.
The person you used to be hates what you've become.
The people you used to love, don't like what you have done.
The battles you face aren't worth your pain.
The tears you cry bother the ones who love you.

I wish all your problems stopped.
I wish we could still talk...
Misanthropist
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Misanthropist
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279
April 29th, 2007 at 12:56pm
I like it.
i mean, the last bit [not the two line one, the one before it] especially, but the whole concept is cool.
Obv. it'll get better the more you work on it, but i quite like the first stanza.

GOOD JOB Ah
Jesse Lacey
Post Whore
Jesse Lacey
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 23946

Mibba Blog
April 29th, 2007 at 12:58pm
Misanthropist:
I like it.
i mean, the last bit [not the two line one, the one before it] especially, but the whole concept is cool.
Obv. it'll get better the more you work on it, but i quite like the first stanza.

GOOD JOB Ah

Hug Thank you so much. Ah
JOOLS
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JOOLS
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 11676

Mibba Blog
April 29th, 2007 at 01:15pm
I reeeeeeeally like it. It's very... relatable.
Very well written Very Happy
SugarGreen
King For A Couple Of Days
SugarGreen
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3369
April 29th, 2007 at 01:15pm
It is really good. I like it because it partially describes something I was thinking about until this line "I wish we could still talk..." because I have never been able to talk to them, I've only been able to listen.

There are some typos in it so you may want to go over it again for those.
Jesse Lacey
Post Whore
Jesse Lacey
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 23946

Mibba Blog
April 29th, 2007 at 01:21pm
Honey Emerald:
It is really good. I like it because it partially describes something I was thinking about until this line "I wish we could still talk..." because I have never been able to talk to them, I've only been able to listen.

There are some typos in it so you may want to go over it again for those.

Thank you. Hug
I can't talk to this person either I just felt it fitting in this song.
I wrote it about a guy in a band that I like.
Jesse Lacey
Post Whore
Jesse Lacey
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 23946

Mibba Blog
May 6th, 2007 at 11:32am
tbh, I need help with this part:
I've thought about you, a bit too much.
The changes you've went through, they're not good.
I used to look up to you for guidance and love.
Now I worry I won't be accepted with open arms.
The smiles are now frowns.
The songs of love turned to burning hate.


Should I take out the "The smiles are now frowns" part?
Plz help.
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