MauriceB
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 66 | May 24th, 2007 at 10:43am Sea brease thru my hair.
I breath in the summer air.
And fill the empty spot
in my thoughts, with you.
The comfortising feeling that you
will belong to me someday
disapears like a sunbeam behind a cloud.
Unknown do you think about me?
I know you in my thoughts.
But your not mine for real.
Wish i could turn the world upside down.
just to be with you.
Lying in the grass.
trying to imagine youre face in the stars.
then, interrupted by a falling star.
the comfortising feeling that you
will belong to me someday, is gone.
Unknown do you think about me?
I know you in my thoughts.
But your not mine for real.
Wish i could turn the world upside down.
just to be with you.
Trying to forget you
but my thoughts wouldnt allow it.
Hoping that some day, you will be mine
it all seem so surreal.
and unknow you will probably never be mine.
But remember; i will never forget you.
like i forgot your name.
Unknown do you think about me?
I know you in my thoughts.
But your not mine for real.
Wish i could turn the world upside down.
just to be with you.
tell me what you think.. |
miau
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4469 | May 24th, 2007 at 01:03pm Check your spelling a little bit, as in disappears or interrupted, and I, as a personal pronoun, is always a capital letter. (and a few more words, I'm not going to mention all here.)
As for the content, it was okay, quite average. But since you chose a topic very many people write about it's quite difficult to write a special poem about it.
I liked the perseverative
MauriceB:
Wish i could turn the world upside down.
just to be with you.
very much though. |
MauriceB
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 66 | May 24th, 2007 at 04:21pm Champagne Supernova:Check your spelling a little bit, as in disappears or interrupted, and I, as a personal pronoun, is always a capital letter. (and a few more words, I'm not going to mention all here.)
As for the content, it was okay, quite average. But since you chose a topic very many people write about it's quite difficult to write a special poem about it.
I liked the perseverative
MauriceB:
Wish i could turn the world upside down.
just to be with you.
very much though.
Yes i wrote it quite quickly, but no excuses ! spelling was wrong.
yes its a cliche topic i know, but haha its just something thats been on my mind lately so yeah. but thank you !  |
