Sweet Serenade of Screams (Beautiful Vampires)

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Geek
TO BE DELETED
Age: 103
Gender: -
Posts: 482

Mibba
September 24th, 2007 at 11:12pm
Bleeding love from the neck, or from the heart,
I never could tell each of the puncture wounds apart
Creatures of the night, so beautiful to see,
To me,
We could have flown away
Flown away on the wings of a beast of the night

I pledge allegiance to none, my soul is my own
It belongs to none but the beautiful vampires
You made the mistake of incurring my hate
My hate and the wrath of the beautiful vampires.

Shock overcomes and the words turn to ash
At the feelings of regret overturned by the past,
Words sting more than any of your actions
To me
I should have flown away
Flown away on the wings of a beast of the night

I pledge allegiance to none, my soul is my own
It belongs to none but the beautiful vampires
You made the mistake of incurring my hate
My hate and the wrath of the beautiful vampires.

Beautiful black gothic torpedoes
Pierce the sea of the night
Sweet serenade of screams
Born of fright and delight

I pledge allegiance to none, my soul is my own
It belongs to none but the beautiful vampires
You made the mistake of incurring my hate
My hate and the wrath of the beautiful vampires.
SugarGreen
King For A Couple Of Days
SugarGreen
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3369
October 1st, 2007 at 09:17am
REDONE... with lots of quotes.. You'll see what they are from your original. I hope you don't mind and that it actually helps... still not perfect. This is to show you that even though a poem seems bad.. you can still rework it until it isn't.

Creatures of the night, so beautiful to see,
Could have flown away
Flown away on a beast with me
Shock overcomes and the words turn to ash
At the feelings of regret overturned by the past,
Words sting more than any of your actions
I should have flown away
Flown away on the wings of a beast
Beautiful gothic torpedoes
Pierce the sea of the night
Sweet serenade of screams
Born of fright and delight
You incurred my hate on this beautiful night.
My hate and the wrath of the beautiful vampires.
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