The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786
  | November 17th, 2007 at 11:17am So many lies.
Splinters of glass crumble to
silica once again.
Critic of your own endeavours,
how dare you betray your
Mistress?
Angel in peach light, her hair
static with that old faked Sateen
sheen.
Aristocrat begging on the street as the
soldiers march past, squeezing
banshees hearts to curdle the
milk coloured sky. Lifeless,
sitting on a frozen brick wall.
Cryogenic zombie. Who gave you
your last embrace? Blinking
like a camera shutter and your
lungs wheeze from lack of oxygen.
Cold, you're so cold. Stop giving me
that pathetic steel expression. No amount of
remorse could bring that heart out
of your mouth. Running oil,
slowly as a teardrop down your
morbid, little face.
The Rani of Callousness has even
surpassed her own records. You feel
nothing, you are nothing. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | November 26th, 2007 at 09:35pm At times it felt a little stuttered, like the flow wasn't entirely smooth. But as always, the imagery is unsurpassable. I can't pick out favourite lines, because there's just so many beautiful images in there, but there's definately a problem with the flow. I think it could also have something to do with the short, succinct stanzas, and the sentences that consist of a few words or less.
A hope you'll take into account my compliments as well as my criticisms. Reading back on it again, I did really like the camera shutter image. |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | March 23rd, 2008 at 07:23pm You are one of the most inventive word-artists I've ever had the deep pleasure of reading.
Aristocrat begging on the street as the
soldiers march past, squeezing
banshees hearts to curdle the
milk coloured sky. Lifeless,
sitting on a frozen brick wall.
Cryogenic zombie.
Totally ingenious lines. Such beautiful and yet subtly macabre images. |
