Put your mind in the gutter

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Miley Cyrus
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December 20th, 2007 at 03:01am
Basically, post any quotes from books that sound dirty when standing alone, or just plain dirty anyway.

Anyhoo, these are all from book 5:

"Who?" said Harry quickly.
"Ginny Weasley, " said Katie.
Harry gaped at her.
"Yeah, I know," said Angelina, pulling out her wand and flexing her arm. "But she's pretty good, actually. Nothing on you, of course," she said, throwing him a very dirty look, "but as we can't have you..." (453)

"What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed. (14)

"...I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago --"
"He was asking for it," snarled Dudley. (13)

"I heard you last night," said Dudley breathlessly. "Talking in your sleep. Moaning." (15)

"Ah well...wand still in your jeans?" (53)

"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WAND OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!" (84)

"You two just Apparated on my knees!"
"Yeah, well, it's harder in the dark --" (97)

"There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as George sat down near his feet.
"So, got there yet?" said George eagerly. (100)

"...screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry's bedroom." (85)

"Ron was lying sprawled on his back with his mouth wide open." (121)

"Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes." (154)

"He's having a go at my mother!" Seamus yelled. (218 )

"Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this." (343)

"...when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir," said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, "when Winky has been very drunk." (387)

"She's somethin' when she's roused, Olympe...fiery, you know...'spect it's the French in her..." (432)

"He was rather taller than Snape, who, Harry noticed, had balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his wand." (520)

"Stand up and take out your wand, Potter." (533)

"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control." (535)

"Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes."
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand. (535)

"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor." (536)

"Ron wrenched the hangings apart, and Harry stared up at him in the moonlight, as he lay flat on his back." (586)

"Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break," said George.
"What do you mean, 'tried'?" said Ron quickly. (627)

"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Wand out, Potter."
Harry moved into his usual position... (638 )

"But whether James really did take off Snape's pants, Harry never found out." (649)

"Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment.
"Wet." He said truthfully. (458 )

"What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. "Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?" (26)

...and Fred, George, and Ginny were doing a kind of war dance to a chant that went "He got off, he got off, he got off...." (156)

"Anyway, its a nightmare of a year, the fifth," said George. "If you care about exam results, anyway. Fred and I managed to keep our peckers up somehow."

"He [Harry] tried to eat, but it was like chewing carpet." (122)

"Ha ha ha, Harry, look at it--" said Ron, watching it disgorge its gaudy innards. "Harry, come and touch it, bet it's weird--"..."Harry, look what's happen--no--no, I don't like it--no, stop--stop--" (798 )

"...which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and the bushes and watch the foursome under the tree." (644)

...She pressed hard on the top of his head. "Doesnt it ever lie flat?" she said desperately. Harry shook his head. (123)

"He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking toward the door with their wands pointing into each other's faces and Harry immobile between them..." (521)

"I don't think private matters between myself and the Minister are any concern of yours, Potter," said Malfoy, smoothing the front of his robes. Harry distinctly heard the gentle clinking of what sounded like a full pocket of gold. "Really, just because you are Dumbledore's favourite boy, you must not expect the same indulgence from the rest of us...shall we go up to your office, then, Minister?"

"Zacharias folded his arms and said nothing, though perhaps this was because he was too busy keeping an eye on the instrument in Fred's hand."

"A couple of weeks after his dream of Rookwood, Harry was to be found, yet again, kneeling on the floor of Snape's office..."

Snape's office door banged open and Draco Malfoy sped in.
"Professor Snape, sir - oh - sorry -"
Malfoy was looking at Snape and Harry in some surprise.

"You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure.

"... his right, Malfoy's arm extended, too, reaching, groping... It was over in two, breathless, desperate, windswept seconds- Harry's fingers closed around the... ball..."
Anji
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December 20th, 2007 at 10:05am
lmfao lmfao lmfao

I don't know if there are anymore! You seemed to have used them all!
Jay Tee
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December 20th, 2007 at 04:08pm
There's tonnes in the other books too.

I remember reading a few good ones in the 7th but I'd have to read it through again and its back at home.
Meski
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December 20th, 2007 at 08:56pm
I marked one in DH but I lost it Sad
Meski
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December 20th, 2007 at 09:03pm
I marked one in DH but I lost it Sad
Miley Cyrus
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December 20th, 2007 at 11:43pm
Anji:
lmfao lmfao lmfao

I don't know if there are anymore! You seemed to have used them all!


That's only from Book 5!

If you're re-reading them... beware. JK is telling us things (mostly about Snape and Harry in the dungeons, strangely lmfao)
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December 21st, 2007 at 12:12am
And with Dumbledore too.
Anji
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December 21st, 2007 at 01:02pm
No wonder Harry Potter fanfics staggeringly out-number any other.
Meski
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December 21st, 2007 at 01:18pm
Anji:
No wonder Harry Potter fanfics staggeringly out-number any other.
yes lmfao
Remarkable Rocket
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December 21st, 2007 at 03:50pm
lmfao lmfao lmfao lmfao.
Miley Cyrus
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December 23rd, 2007 at 02:45am
Anji:
No wonder Harry Potter fanfics staggeringly out-number any other.

Yeah, it's oh-so easy to read things the wrong way Very Happy
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December 23rd, 2007 at 10:57am
wand is the best word to misunderstand.
Miley Cyrus
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December 24th, 2007 at 11:57pm
Meski:
wand is the best word to misunderstand.

It's like "He grabbed his wand, and muttered something quietly before shooting white light at Malfoy"
Meski
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December 25th, 2007 at 01:07am
Sheepless and redundant:
Meski:
wand is the best word to misunderstand.

It's like "He grabbed his wand, and muttered something quietly before shooting white light at Malfoy"
lmfaomlfaolmfaolmfao
Macfadyen
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December 25th, 2007 at 01:47am
I'm sure some of you have seen this before, but someone replaced "wand" with "wang" and... yeah, pretty self-explanatory. lmfao lmfao lmfao
Billie's Willie
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December 25th, 2007 at 08:16am
Book 7. Ah

Hermione was all "You taste much better than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry." omg I don't have my books with me, but it's in there. tehe
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December 25th, 2007 at 04:28pm
Matt Bellamy:
I'm sure some of you have seen this before, but someone replaced "wand" with "wang" and... yeah, pretty self-explanatory. lmfao lmfao lmfao
yeah lmfao we played that game on the old thread.
Miley Cyrus
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December 25th, 2007 at 08:38pm
Billie's Willie:
Book 7. Ah

Hermione was all "You taste much better than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry." omg I don't have my books with me, but it's in there. tehe

lmfao lmfao lmfao
I remember that.

Definitely my favorite:
"The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils."
Cool
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December 25th, 2007 at 08:57pm
Meski:
Matt Bellamy:
I'm sure some of you have seen this before, but someone replaced "wand" with "wang" and... yeah, pretty self-explanatory. lmfao lmfao lmfao
yeah lmfao we played that game on the old thread.

lmfao lmfao That's brilliant.
Miley Cyrus
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December 26th, 2007 at 04:47pm
This one is too good to be true:
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
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