Macrogragh

AuthorMessage
greendaypunksliveforever
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
greendaypunksliveforever
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 58
May 2nd, 2006 at 09:25pm
I'm the savage in a revolting world
If I'm the head of the spirited?
But your gonna kill it
And you find a vital and vocal way
To bring me down

And don't you give up the fight
(And)
If I never fell down
The why'd you pick me back up?
(falling)
Forever

Now our eyes never meant to meet
(charity to trust and love)
Your revelation of rioting charm
Your like a pulled fire alarm
(located)
In the central city of my heart

(Faster, faster) don't blame me for
(Faster, faster) your love is more
(Faster, faster) slow down now
(Faster, faster) hit the ground hard (fall)

You wish you were, but I wish we were
Sizable to existance
Never here forever
A life size fight

And now were falling
I never knew the ground was so hard (falling)
It's over and know this story dosen't end
The charm pulls away and soars

(Faster, faster) don't blame me for
(Faster, faster) your love is more
(Faster, faster) slow down now
(Faster, faster) hit the ground hard (fall)

And I'll keep singing this if you don't beleive me

(Faster, faster) don't blame me for
(Faster, faster) your love is more
(Faster, faster) slow down now
(Faster, faster) hit the ground hard (fall)

Well yes I know that this is not the best. I would love any constructive critisism possible.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
May 2nd, 2006 at 09:35pm
I kinda like it. =]
greendaypunksliveforever
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
greendaypunksliveforever
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 58
May 3rd, 2006 at 07:35am
thanks Smile
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 3rd, 2006 at 03:49pm
It’s ok. The forming is cool. The flow is a little messed up at a few places though. And the rhyming doesn’t work. The whole thing feels kinda disjointed. It’s like sentences randomly thrown together. If you need me to be more specific just ask.
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Inari
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538
May 3rd, 2006 at 03:53pm
I like that.
Really like that.
greendaypunksliveforever
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
greendaypunksliveforever
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 58
May 3rd, 2006 at 04:23pm
thanks and I get everything about the flow and rhyme
razzledgirl
Jackass
razzledgirl
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1491

Mibba
May 3rd, 2006 at 05:45pm
sentences thrown together......i still love it, no matter what they say!!!!!!
good work
sams0n
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