Dead End

I might as well post this here. I don’t know about this one though. Tell me what you think (and why please). Be honest.


Dead End

The trail of withered footsteps
Leads to a dead end street
Where hope fades into darkness
As it is wrapped up in deceit.
A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky
For the night to come
And clean the heavens dry.
When the gloom settles
In the hours of despair
A soul helplessly is trapped
In his own nightmare.
Clawing upon the walls,
Knowing there’s no turning back,
Draped in grieving night
He has completely lost the track.
The one he used to follow
With faith put into every step
Lost itself in complexity
And left him so alone.

I like that one.
It was really intriguing.

The trail of withered footsteps
Leads to a dead end street
Where hope fades into darkness
As it is wrapped up in deceit.
^^^Loved that^^^

Thank you, dear. That really means a lot to me <3

Inari:

I like that one.
It was really intriguing.

The trail of withered footsteps
Leads to a dead end street
Where hope fades into darkness
As it is wrapped up in deceit.
^^^Loved that^^^

lol Exactly the same here.

*nods*

That's what I wanted to say, too.

Awwww, that was awesome

That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky <--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thank you, sweeties.

Vita-Koolaid:

That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky <--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thanks.

How is it weirdly formatted? Is it the grammar, or the way it's formulated?
Or is it a metaphor that's hard to understand?

What's in a name?:

Vita-Koolaid:

That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky <--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thanks.

How is it weirdly formatted? Is it the grammar, or the way it's formulated?
Or is it a metaphor that's hard to understand?

No, no, no. I mean..when I read it out loud it was kind of weird. I just thought if the formatting was more like
the sinking sun spills out
all of its blood across the sky

or something. Gah, hard to explain.

That's great. I love the rhyming scheme; it sounded really nice.

Vita-Koolaid:

What's in a name?:

Vita-Koolaid:

That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky <--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thanks.

How is it weirdly formatted? Is it the grammar, or the way it's formulated?
Or is it a metaphor that's hard to understand?

No, no, no. I mean..when I read it out loud it was kind of weird. I just thought if the formatting was more like
the sinking sun spills out
all of it's blood across the sky

or something. Gah, hard to explain.

Ok. But it is definitely ’its’ because ’it’s’ means it is. But you knew that, right?

[Flawless Error]:

That's great. I love the rhyming scheme; it sounded really nice.

Thank you, my soulmate. I’m glad ya all like my rhymes. It’s very hard to make it flow and not to seem forced, you know?