Love and Lonely

Okay it's not so much of a poem as a shot story... I don't know.

Curled up against you,
She hears your heart
It’s beat, loud and clear
You pull her in closer
She’s cold, so cold
She’s asleep now
Still as death
Pale as death
You brush hair out of her eye
Lift her chin up slightly
Catch a flash of sliver in the equally silver moonlight
In her perfect mouth, glints silver.
Teeth. Teeth that could never be human.
She opens her eyes.
Those hypnotising blue eyes.
And looks at you with an unreadable expression.
It’s almost contempt.
Stand up, leave now! Get out while you can!
She’s upon you, circling you,
She’s almost dancing.
She’s tracing a tattoo on your arm now,
Her finger, like ice.
Running her fingers through your dark hair,
Staring with her metallic eyes into
The deep and warm emerald green of your own
You bow your head, avoid that icy gaze
It’s her turn now, she lifts your chin up.
Forces your eyes upon her.
She’s beautiful, forever beautiful.
But in those steel blue eyes, pain. Fear.
She whispers in your guttural mother tongue
“Leave.”
You do, you grab your few things
She’s already back on the bed
The look on her porcelain face
It’s sheer bloodlust
You hurry to the door
And steal one last glance
She’s no beauty anymore
Her eyes a sickening gold
Her face contorted
Those teeth protruding.
Did she actually love you?
Did she really want you?
She’s on her feet boy,
Run, leave this place
Do it now! Otherwise there will be no leaving
It will be you and her
For eternity
You are too young, she is too old.
You have both always been alone.
And so, you know no other ways
So different, so alike.

Um, it's the first thing I've posted in this thread... I don't know if it sucks or not so criticism AND compliments are welcome

It makes me want to laugh for some reason.

Well... Anything else you can add? Anything helpful?

I really like it <3

Sorry but no critism here..

Thank you sweetheart

It's okay.

Try seperating it in stanzas next time, it's easier to read

I didn't really want it in stanzas though, I wanted it to seem rushed, but at the same time everything done with a reason... It's hard to explain sorry

Ash I love it!
I especially love the line
"Curled up against you,
She hears your heart"

Aw thanks

welcome anytime hun
how are ya?

I like it, only I don’t think you should repeat the same word so many times, like ‘silver’.
Also; try to use better, more unique metaphors (although that’s hard). It’s a good poem.

nothing wrong with it