One hundred and four

I don’t really know what this came from. I was just thinking about how love
can hurt so much that it drives you insane. No, it’s not self experienced.

One hundred and four

One hundred and four roses
One for each time you uttered
That three word phrase
I love you

Do you remember?
How I gave them to you,
How I smiled,
And how much
I loved you

Can you recall
All those special moments,
When we kissed
Made love
Or just sat together
In silence

Who would have though that
The end of our journey would play out
Like this

I never could have guessed that you would betray me
That you have cheated on me constantly to finally
Leave me for prostitutes with painted doll faces
It made my heart shatter into tiny sharp pieces
They’re ripping out my soul now
And replacing it with boiling blood
That burns and signs my mind

One hundred and four bullets
One for each time you uttered
That three word lie
I love you

Don’t worry, I will aim at your heart
Don’t worry, I’ll aim so it won’t hurt
Shhh, baby, now don’t say a word
One hundred and five bullets
For you, to fill the space
Where you’re heart should be
And one bullet for myself
To end my misery

Awesome Really clever, and conceptual, I thought.

But I loved;
'Don’t worry, I will aim at your heart
Don’t worry, I’ll aim so it won’t hurt
Shhh, baby, now don’t say a word'

Oh my god I LOVE it
It's so awesome
that line
"Leave me for prostitutes with painted doll faces"
was just written so well
Its a wonderful poem

That's soo good.

Wow
Thank you so, so much guys!
You made me real happy.

It was awesome until you got to the "I never could have guessed you would betray me"
after that it was so incredibly dead-on to the emo cliche of today

but the beginning was an amazing display of talent and originality. If you just used punctuation there it would be awesome because you created a story that made this not a poem, not a story, but in between.

If you just took out the stanza that sounds like you stole it from MCR, replace "104 bullets" with "104 roses" again, then later say, "two bullets, one for me one for you" it would be in the top 95% of GSB poems.

You're probably the first person I've ever suggested revising a poem this much, but it could be really good if you just did that.

If not that's fine, and it makes a mediocre emo poem if that's what you were going for.

Don’t worry, I will aim at your heart
Don’t worry, I’ll aim so it won’t hurt
Shhh, baby, now don’t say a word
One hundred and five bullets
For you, to fill the space
Where you’re heart should be

Loved that part.

I love it

I don’t know whether to thank you or to get angry with you

I really don’t like when people label poems as emo because in my opinion that’s not a poem genre. I certainly wasn’t going for a mediocre emo poem and it’s kinda rude of you to put it like that.

I’ve never in my life heard one single MRC song, neither have I read their lyrics so I wouldn’t have been able to copy them.

Thanks for mentioning that the beginning was awesome. That’s very appreciated. The reason there isn’t punctuation is because the lines continue and I want that kind of structure so punctuation isn’t really an option here.

I won’t change the original poem because no matter what you say I think it’s pretty good. But I always listen to constructive criticism and therefore I did rewrite it. So here it is:

One hundred and four

One hundred and four roses
One for each time you uttered
That three word phrase
I love you

Do you remember?
How I gave them to you,
How I smiled,
And how much
I loved you

Can you recall
All those special moments,
When we kissed
Made love
Or just sat together
In silence

Who would have though that
The end of our journey would play out
Like this

One hundred and four roses
One for each time you uttered
That three word lie
I love you

So here are your roses now
And to go along with that, my dear
Two bullets
One for me and one for you


Was it something like that you had in mind? If not, be more specific and I’ll see what I can do.

*bows* I'm so glad yoo like it guys.

What's in a name?:

I really don’t like when people label poems as emo because in my opinion that’s not a poem genre. I certainly wasn’t going for a mediocre emo poem and it’s kinda rude of you to put it like that.

Constructive criticism is good, but labelling it was a little unfair.

Thank you, hon. That’s what I wanted to say.

I just said it sounded like an emo song, and it did
it included a lot of emo cliches like the massive amount of bullets, the fifth stanza, stuff like that

I didn't mean to offend you, but you had an excellent poem until I realized it's directed towards an emo-inspired fan base

so yeah
it's still a good emo poem (which is a genre of poetry, half this site writes it)

I lurve it, Rose.

spill_no_sick:

I just said it sounded like an emo song, and it did
it included a lot of emo cliches like the massive amount of bullets, the fifth stanza, stuff like that

I didn't mean to offend you, but you had an excellent poem until I realized it's directed towards an emo-inspired fan base

so yeah
it's still a good emo poem (which is a genre of poetry, half this site writes it)

Why is the massive amount of bullets emo? What’s so emo about the fifth stanza?

Anyway, it's just your opinion and since the rest like it I'm gonna ignore you. I changed it but you didn't even bother to comment on the other version.

It’s not directed towards an emo-inspired fan base. It’s not emo. How can hate, anger and insanity be emo? According to some emo is “nobody understands me, I’m gonna sit in my corner and cry and hate everybody for no real reason and cut myself to get attention.” Is that what you consider as emo? Well, that’s not what this poem is about at all. Stop labeling it.

[Flawless Error]:

I lurve it, Rose.

I'm glad you do, dear. Thank you.