| Author | Message |
|---|
Rice Puddin'
Geek
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 265 | May 16th, 2006 at 08:49am Hello Everyone, this is my free form poem about a man..well I call him a man..He is 17 this year I think.
Kind of a story..please dont lock it until I get some comments..
I was depressed when I started high school
I only had a few friends to hang with
They are nice but they didn't understand me.
I was in roll call
Waiting for it to be over
Waiting for the day to be over
Waiting for my life to be over.
I noticed a male sitting across the room
Facial hair & a cheeky grin present on his face.
Talking to a very pretty girl
I listened on in their conversation
Nothing really interesting at all
I suddenly became jealous of this pretty girl.
Dressed in a grey jacket,white shirt & a blue skirt.
But I then noticed that they were not in a "Relationship" at all.
I stared at this fascinating 'man' for the remaining 10 minutes of roll call.
Only to become very attracted by him.
Not only was he irresistible but had a force of logical argumentation.
I later found out that his name was 'Lynden'
I instantly thought that name fit him perfectly.
From Weeks of trying to catch another sighting of this 'Lynden'
I suceeded & saw him outside the school library
And another when I was with a friend near the music rooms
I don't know how to end this, but I thought this might fit.
Today after recess I was standing outside the library on the corner
Waiting for everyone to come to Music
I turned around and the person I was craving a close glance at
was heading my way.
In a nervous rush I stood still & waited for him to pass.
But I looked the other way so he did not see my white scared face.
He walked right past me
So close I could of reached out & touched him
A few seconds after he was past, thats what I did.
But because of myself being in my own "little world",
I did not even know he was that far past.
I gave myself 30 seconds to come back to reality
& time for Lynden to get a head start.
He was heading the same way as me.
The Music Rooms.
Obviously he was going in the senior room & I,
"the little kiddy play music room" as many have called it.
I briskly walked to the entrance of the room & had noticed I was somehow early.
Two of my 'classmates' stood waiting eagerly to enter the music room.
I on the other hand wanted to stop & stare at the wonder that is Lynden,
who, currently was half way in his 3rd period class room.
Thats the end...thanks alot for reading...it sucked I know.
But believe it or not.
All of that was true & very very boring for you, to read.
ok
Peace Out Kids
-
Nola |
clark
GSBitch
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 79047 | May 16th, 2006 at 08:58am Not very poetic  |
Rice Puddin'
Geek
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 265 | May 16th, 2006 at 09:02am Megan The Spice Girl.:Not very poetic its not really a poem..more of a story...well its a free form poem..thats what my friend said.. |
clark
GSBitch
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 79047 | May 16th, 2006 at 09:03am Isocracy_In_You:Megan The Spice Girl.:Not very poetic its not really a poem..more of a story...well its a free form poem..thats what my friend said..
O I C. |
imtwasidwelya
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 357 | May 16th, 2006 at 09:33am I did not enjoy the subject...
"Free Verse
Lacks rhyme and has less predictable rhythm." |
imtwasidwelya
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 357 | May 16th, 2006 at 09:52am imtwasidwelya:Forms of Poems If you find a better link submit it.
http://falcon.jmu.edu/~ramseyil/poeform.htm |
imtwasidwelya
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 357 | May 16th, 2006 at 12:37pm I've been thinking about your poem some more and actually... I DO like it. It seems to be about someone changing thier destructive path and it saving them from something worse. Good job.  |
spill_no_sick
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: -
Posts: 8588 | May 16th, 2006 at 01:05pm It was just a story without using the conventional rules of writting a short story....but it is not a poem
it was a decent story, too cliche though |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
 | May 16th, 2006 at 01:26pm spill_no_sick:It was just a story without using the conventional rules of writting a short story....but it is not a poem
it was a decent story, too cliche though
Couldn't have said it better myself.  |
imtwasidwelya
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 357 | May 16th, 2006 at 03:43pm I caught some rythm in it so it is Free Verse.
The rythm is hard to catch though.
"Dressed in a grey jacket,white shirt & a blue skirt. "
6 syllables , 6 syllables |
Skullivan.[Im Not Okay]
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 225 | May 16th, 2006 at 03:51pm meh. good for like story type thing. i cant really comment because am not a good poetry writer but anyway. |
Rice Puddin'
Geek
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 265 | May 17th, 2006 at 04:11am i know its cliche but its a true story |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| May 17th, 2006 at 09:27am Isocracy_In_You:i know its cliche but its a true story
Yeah, true. You could have used metaphors though.
One the other hand, there isn’t a subject that’s not cliché.  |
blah blah blah
Idiot
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 942 | May 17th, 2006 at 09:40am Isocracy_In_You:Hello Everyone, this is my free form poem about a man..well I call him a man..He is 17 this year I think.
Kind of a story..please dont lock it until I get some comments..
I was depressed when I started high school
I only had a few friends to hang with
They are nice but they didn't understand me.
I was in roll call
Waiting for it to be over
Waiting for the day to be over
Waiting for my life to be over.
I noticed a male sitting across the room
Facial hair & a cheeky grin present on his face.
Talking to a very pretty girl
I listened on in their conversation
Nothing really interesting at all
I suddenly became jealous of this pretty girl.
Dressed in a grey jacket,white shirt & a blue skirt.
But I then noticed that they were not in a "Relationship" at all.
I stared at this fascinating 'man' for the remaining 10 minutes of roll call.
Only to become very attracted by him.
Not only was he irresistible but had a force of logical argumentation.
I later found out that his name was 'Lynden'
I instantly thought that name fit him perfectly.
From Weeks of trying to catch another sighting of this 'Lynden'
I suceeded & saw him outside the school library
And another when I was with a friend near the music rooms
I don't know how to end this, but I thought this might fit.
Today after recess I was standing outside the library on the corner
Waiting for everyone to come to Music
I turned around and the person I was craving a close glance at
was heading my way.
In a nervous rush I stood still & waited for him to pass.
But I looked the other way so he did not see my white scared face.
He walked right past me
So close I could of reached out & touched him
A few seconds after he was past, thats what I did.
But because of myself being in my own "little world",
I did not even know he was that far past.
I gave myself 30 seconds to come back to reality
& time for Lynden to get a head start.
He was heading the same way as me.
The Music Rooms.
Obviously he was going in the senior room & I,
"the little kiddy play music room" as many have called it.
I briskly walked to the entrance of the room & had noticed I was somehow early.
Two of my 'classmates' stood waiting eagerly to enter the music room.
I on the other hand wanted to stop & stare at the wonder that is Lynden,
who, currently was half way in his 3rd period class room.
Thats the end...thanks alot for reading...it sucked I know.
But believe it or not.
All of that was true & very very boring for you, to read.
ok
Peace Out Kids
-
Nola
das cool tats wat I feel like! |
blah blah blah
Idiot
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 942 | May 17th, 2006 at 09:48am |
