razzledgirl
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1491
 | Blood streaming down my face,
Crying of bloody tears,
A death angel fallen from grace,
Releasing all my fears,
Hiding from every living thing,
comforted by death around me,
Torture songs in my ear they sing,
And slowly from my locked heart they take the key,
They eat my soul,
As i bleed blood so cold,
I had broken one rule,
Not wanting to do what i was told,
Slowly my corpse falls away,
To them i was just a pawn,
Here i never wanted to stay,
And i'm happy i'm gone.
Samantha M. Fuchser McKinstry |
Tahm York
This Board Is My Home
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 31394
 | it was ok
I hope you don't mind my being a critic |
greendaypunksliveforever
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 58 | I thought it was good, I like your wording. What I didn't like was how it ended, I would add a line. Keep writing like you said to me! |
razzledgirl
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1491
| thank you....alot, i know the ending is pretty depressing but you know im depressing...so ya,
and please rupert lover and others except greendaypunksliveforever...try not to tell me it sucks and i don't know anything....
try to just be nice at least and if it sucks tell me what i can do
sams0n |
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844 | May 19th, 2006 at 09:36pm thats good |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| May 20th, 2006 at 06:29am Unfortunately it’s a bit cliché. Other than that it’s pretty good.
Try using some metaphors that’s not so worn-out. |
punk_pai
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 8 | May 20th, 2006 at 06:48am i thing it is superb...  |
Rachii!
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2111 | May 20th, 2006 at 06:52am I like it. It's pretty. =] |
Skullivan.[Im Not Okay]
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 225 | May 21st, 2006 at 03:32pm They eat my soul,
As i bleed blood so cold,
I had broken one rule,
Not wanting to do what i was told,
Slowly my corpse falls away,
To them i was just a pawn,
Here i never wanted to stay,
And i'm happy i'm gone
i do really like that bit! |
