resting_splinter
Geek
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 251 | May 24th, 2006 at 10:12pm running through my veins i feel it flowing through
drawing on the pain seen through my view
complaing, chanting darranged views applied
life, love, and the pursuit fo happieness denied
of all the people asked my music replied
forget suicide; outrage, flip out, pis 'em off
screaming until stopped by a bloody cough
the poisons getting to me
the person you cant see
blinded by the numbness
consumed by the lonelyness
death slowly entracing
my presence eventually debacing
the pain of the poison stopps
as my pulse slowly drops
its over, done , and finished
finally everything has deminished
the blackness overcomes resting in my mind
the blood stops flowing and sight goes blind |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | May 25th, 2006 at 08:36am Didn't flow too well  Cause the rhyming seems too forced.
But keep trying  |
Bittersweet World
Banned
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 28301
 | May 25th, 2006 at 08:58am I dont like it.
Forced. |
