resting_splinter
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 251 | May 24th, 2006 at 10:04pm time stands stillas lives grow old
the time is now your stance is bold
beating the hearts of a thousand graves
vision of night my mind it saves
the pain of being lost soon reveared
face of death locked onto my eyes, with a gasp it soon sneered
although the corpses and souls lay
the survivors and me will not forget that day
death not wanting to stay forever
looking into its eyes, the meeting we had together
i understood exactly what he wanted
still i stood and taunted
an agreement reached not to be taken lightly
as i agree i shudder ever so slightly
he has yet to return to this place
here i sit, waiting in this damp, desolate space |
Skullivan.[Im Not Okay]
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 225 | May 25th, 2006 at 03:42pm awesome! |
ladyramone
Post Whore
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 21701 | May 25th, 2006 at 03:46pm pretty sweet. |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
 | May 25th, 2006 at 03:53pm I don’t like it too much.
 It’s in need of commas and what not.
The forced rhyming results in a messed up flow.
It’s up to you but I think you should use capital letters
and full stops. It makes it a lot easier to read and can
contribute to a better flow.
 Your word choice was good. There was some ok metaphors. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| May 25th, 2006 at 05:39pm What's in a name?:I don’t like it too much.
It’s in need of commas and what not.
The forced rhyming results in a messed up flow.
It’s up to you but I think you should use capital letters
and full stops. It makes it a lot easier to read and can
contribute to a better flow.
Your word choice was good. There was some ok metaphors. Agreed. It kind of reminded me of that one Emily Dickinson poem about death. The one that goes "I couldn't stop for death, so he kindly stopped for me" or something like that. |
watermelon murderer
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 173 | May 25th, 2006 at 05:44pm good |
