....um, not sure yet....

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
--xSarahx-- Idiot Age: - Gender: - Posts: 962	June 6th, 2006 at 12:55pm oh btw, I know it's really cheesy...but it's my first poem and it's been written in like five mins so I thought what the heck ....oh and another thing anyone got any title suggestions? screaming, needing, reaching, I run, heart throbbing, YOU CRY! YOU CRY! Why did you do it angel? How could you do it darling? hurt, angst, lust, I NEED YOU! I NEED YOU! Arms around your bleeding crimson torso you fall weak, you fall weak, breaths are short, pulse is slow, DON'T GO! DON'T GO! eyes closing, death nearing, tears running, silence falling, one last kiss......One Last Kiss takes his breath away, last of loves gestures, COME WITH ME! COME WITH ME! hurt and needy, obidient and wanting, voices nearing, will increasing, cold and shaking, loving and hoping, I NEED YOU! I NEED YOU! metal falling, sound clashing, pain excrusiating, body freezing, I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! darkness falling, death enveloping, limbs weakening, bodies entwined, I HAVE YOU......I HAVE YOU! haha .....what ya think?
I_Wanna_B_The_Minority King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2321	June 6th, 2006 at 02:19pm wow tis very very good the title could be 'i need you' cause you say that a few times
--xSarahx-- Idiot Age: - Gender: - Posts: 962	June 6th, 2006 at 06:04pm I_wAnNa_B_tHe_MiNoRiTy: wow tis very very good the title could be 'i need you' cause you say that a few times thanks
*they_call_me Ri* Geek Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 177	June 6th, 2006 at 06:26pm wow very nice interesting structure
spill_no_sick Falling In Love With The Board Age: 31 Gender: - Posts: 8588	June 6th, 2006 at 06:42pm I'm not going to do an in-depth reveiw, but so far the people posting here are lieing....we can tell that not only was it your first poem, but that you did write it in five minutes practice more, spend longer on it, poetry isn't supposed to be an emo song
Athy Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: - Gender: - Posts: 53	June 6th, 2006 at 07:08pm I would recommend more time, less caps, less cliched word choice, and less wangst. Poetry is harder than it looks...keep at it, and, just as a friendly tip, it's never a good idea to post anything you aren't proud of or didn't work on. And if you must, don't say so...if the you didn't spend time on it, why should I?
--xSarahx-- Idiot Age: - Gender: - Posts: 962	June 7th, 2006 at 06:59am spill_no_sick: I'm not going to do an in-depth reveiw, but so far the people posting here are lieing....we can tell that not only was it your first poem, but that you did write it in five minutes practice more, spend longer on it, poetry isn't supposed to be an emo song thanks I'll learn...
--xSarahx-- Idiot Age: - Gender: - Posts: 962	June 7th, 2006 at 07:01am Athy: I would recommend more time, less caps, less cliched word choice, and less wangst. Poetry is harder than it looks...keep at it, and, just as a friendly tip, it's never a good idea to post anything you aren't proud of or didn't work on. And if you must, don't say so...if the you didn't spend time on it, why should I? yeah I know .....anyway thanks , I'll think twice before posting anything
I_Wanna_B_The_Minority King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2321	June 8th, 2006 at 06:43am --xSarahx--: I_wAnNa_B_tHe_MiNoRiTy: wow tis very very good the title could be 'i need you' cause you say that a few times thanks tis ok
xXx depressed_emo xXx Geek Age: - Gender: - Posts: 186	June 8th, 2006 at 06:45am not bad for a first time lol
--xSarahx-- Idiot Age: - Gender: - Posts: 962	June 8th, 2006 at 01:56pm thank you
anti-christ of suburbia Idiot Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 986	June 8th, 2006 at 02:03pm tis not my thing, but its okay
Diskoh Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 8701	June 8th, 2006 at 02:04pm Take more time in writing poems..you'llget better

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