Santa Billie Falling In Love With The Board Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 8285
June 12th, 2006 at 11:08am
He ripped a heart from a swollen chest
Beat me down to nothing more
Than sand blowing across the pavement
And to think that I would crawl back
To any other man
Any other day
You'll have the biggest part of me
A deep gash in my throat
And a touch of stone
If only these tears could drown the past
You'd believe this day will come
The sun will fall from the sky
And I will love again
snowcherry King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 3912
June 12th, 2006 at 11:29am
I like it.
Something in the middle of the poem disturbed me, though,
but I can't put my finger on what exactly it was.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921
I don't know where this disturbing comment is coming from, but whatever, I really liked it and your colorful wording, not the overdone thesaurus wording, because you know the boundries, and don't over do the poem and drown it in "big" words. It wasn't beautiful, but I dont think thats what you were going for, it was more thought provoking.
Santa Billie Falling In Love With The Board Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 8285
June 12th, 2006 at 05:00pm
Yeah, that's good that you got disturbing images though, that's what I
was going for.
Throughout the poem, I use words to create "disturbing" images of the
cycle of love...
At the end (The sun will fall...) is when the narrator's saying, I'll never love
again because WE ALL KNOW the sun won't fall from the sky for a long
time. I think the last two lines create a prettier image, which appropiately
show that love isn't pretty....at least for the narrator anyways.
Yeah, that's good that you got disturbing images though, that's what I
was going for.
Throughout the poem, I use words to create "disturbing" images of the
cycle of love...
At the end (The sun will fall...) is when the narrator's saying, I'll never love
again because WE ALL KNOW the sun won't fall from the sky for a long
time. I think the last two lines create a prettier image, which appropiately
show that love isn't pretty....at least for the narrator anyways.
Hope that made sense.
Wow, really, thats where you were going? That just made me love this poem even more, because I got something totoally different out of it.
GD Addicts Anonymous Falling In Love With The Board Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 5896
