Oh Man! I liked it so much before I knew it was about cutting, that is an over used subject.
My mind race
My breath shortens
It gets darker and darker
I close my eyes
Tears falling down my cheek
Whispers all around me
Rumors growing
Just think about the depth those lines could of had! It could have been about closterphobia, drowning, stagefright, public humiliation, dancing, nightmares,sex, being lost, animals, and so many more. But you chose cutting as a safety net! Jump beyond that, that begining had so much potential, so much! I think you should rewrite it, and use a different subject, because it could be really amazing, instead of the same old stuff.
Oh Man! I liked it so much before I knew it was about cutting, that is an over used subject.
My mind race
My breath shortens
It gets darker and darker
I close my eyes
Tears falling down my cheek
Whispers all around me
Rumors growing
Just think about the depth those lines could of had! It could have been about closterphobia, drowning, stagefright, public humiliation, dancing, nightmares,sex, being lost, animals, and so many more. But you chose cutting as a safety net! Jump beyond that, that begining had so much potential, so much! I think you should rewrite it, and use a different subject, because it could be really amazing, instead of the same old stuff.
couldnt say it better myself.
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161
June 14th, 2006 at 07:16am
Eh, it was okay. I guess. So unoriginal it hurts.
You could do a lot more with it.
