Dead End Girl Addict Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 10219
June 14th, 2006 at 11:14pm
I tried out a new style.
I don't really know...
It's scatted and awkward but I guess that is how I was feeling.
It reflects x_x.
DAMN YOU TEENAGENESS
You said you felt dead inside
I said I felt alive
And that was just about a million years ago
You said you don't wanna be here
I dont ever want to be anywhere else
I guess that's just
Why we are so separated.
Yes, we are separated.
You wanted to get away
I just wanted you to stay
And that was just about a million years ago
You got up and went somewhere
And I'm just stuck in here
You closed the door
Yes, you closed the door
So what's that
You said?
It seems I can't remember
So long ago
So what's that
You told me
I don't want to know
But I'd like to know
So let me
I can't let go
These things won't let me forget
Damn your heart
And mine too
Cause' it's gotta be their fault
I think it's all my fault.
It's all my fault.
Krackers Had A Life Before GSB Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 27675
June 15th, 2006 at 12:33am
Bleach Rotting On Here Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 47505
June 15th, 2006 at 12:35am
Jesus:
Garrett Hanlund This Board Is My Home Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 30801
June 15th, 2006 at 12:38am
What Jesus said.
This kind of writting is different. I like it. One thing though, I wouldn't capitalize every beginning of every line. I also like the way it doesn't flow..but it flows. =/ That came out wrong but yeah. My favorite part was the third stanza.
The middle stanzas got a little choppy. However, I adored the last stanza, it was nicely worded and revived the flow.
Inari King For A Couple Of Days Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538
June 15th, 2006 at 05:56am
Cool.
newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495
June 15th, 2006 at 06:00am
Actually I don't like it. I'm just going to be as honest as possible.
Trust me, I have seen your work numerous times and you can do so much better.
The one thing I like is how you seemed to have captured the bittersweet madness with your short lines and repetitions.
However, this; You wanted to get away
I just wanted you to stay
And that was just about a million years ago
You got up and went somewhere
And I'm just stuck in here
You closed the door
Yes, you closed the door
This is something an average 13 year old person could write. But you're not one of those, are you?
I must say, though, there's nothing wrong with experimenting, on contrary; you learn something new each time. But unlike other of your work this left no impact on me.
Cool. 
