Body Heat

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 16th, 2006 at 10:01pm Inspired by a story I co-wrote with a friend. I reread it and...this happened. xD Body Heat Closer and closer, you’re stuck to my skin. Heavy eyelids and heavy ache too, Don’t you have any of your own body heat? Whisper, whisper Your breath fills the air Twisting, unfurling Gets harder to bear Lower and lower, we keep going down. Heightened pulse and heightened senses, I bet you wish you weren't so numb. Mumble, mumble Barely hear you now Sighing, inhaling Too much to allow With nights like these, who needs real love?
Kurtni Admin Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 34289	June 16th, 2006 at 10:22pm Closer and closer, you’re stuck to my skin. Heavy eyelids and heavy ache too, Don’t you have any of your own body heat? It starts off with a tainted love type theme, like a false form of love that you're faking. Nice. Whisper, whisper Your breath fills the air Twisting, unfurling Gets harder to bear Rhyme, a nice touch, and it was a fitting rhyme. I like the double verb as well, it's good as long as it isnt over used. Lower and lower, we keep going down. Heightened pulse and heightened senses, Wouldn’t you like to feel it? Almost a hint of passion there, but not overdone, which is good, because at this point in time, it would kill the poem. Mumble, mumble Barely hear you now Sighing, inhaling Too much to allow theres the theme coming back, the not-wanting-it-but-getting-it-anyways thing. With nights like these, who needs real love? An excellent way to end the poem, bravo.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 16th, 2006 at 10:24pm Yay! A good review! Why thank you, my kind lady.
Toxic Narcotic King For A Couple Of Days Age: 103 Gender: Female Posts: 3750	June 16th, 2006 at 10:52pm wow....thats some good suff right there
newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495	June 17th, 2006 at 04:47am I like it. BUT. "Lower and lower, we keep going down. Heightened pulse and heightened senses, Wouldn’t you like to feel it?" The last line could be replaced with something better.
rollerpig GSBitch Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 62283	June 17th, 2006 at 04:56am Ella: I like it. BUT. "Lower and lower, we keep going down. Heightened pulse and heightened senses, Wouldn’t you like to feel it?" The last line could be replaced with something better. Wow, you're good at pointing stuff out Yeah, I think so!
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161	June 17th, 2006 at 07:29am Agree completely. Awwwesome. I really liked it. It was... different, but in a good way.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 17th, 2006 at 11:30am Thank you guys. You know, I thought that line was a bit weird, but then I left it in anyway.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 17th, 2006 at 11:34am w00t. I decided to change the line. Let me know if it's any betterrrrr.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 17th, 2006 at 11:39am Haha, thank you, uh, wait. Hold on. Gotta check your name. XD Eh, Godfrey? Thank you, Godfrey! bows
Dead End Girl Addict Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 10219	June 17th, 2006 at 12:13pm I loved it <3. I thought the flow was spendaferic, as well as the word choice.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 17th, 2006 at 12:20pm Wow. Ze thank you.
rolypoly_punk Idiot Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 627	June 18th, 2006 at 01:04pm pretty good!
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 18th, 2006 at 01:30pm Thanks you.
snowcherry King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 3912	June 18th, 2006 at 01:55pm Gosh, I'm in love with that. Lower and lower, we keep going down. Heightened pulse and heightened senses, I bet you wish you weren't so numb.

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