Confusion in the Night

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
Emily-Cool Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 6657	June 18th, 2006 at 08:47am Silent shadows whisk across the floor Rapidly escaping through the open door, Tempted to intrude but shall I follow, A last glance back and one final swallow. What did I see, for I cannot be bound Something leading me to an eerie sound, Feeling so frightened and so unsure, Alone in the night, the darkness so pure. Inkling restriction as I reach to my right The blackness so strong I lose all my sight, Glued to the spot unable to walk The darkness is fading, I catch someone talk. Lifting my arms to shield the blinding shine Deafend by piercing cries that continue to whine But wait, those deadly screams are my own Bewildered and upset feeling threatened and alone. Feeling so tired, collapsed on the floor Stiff and lifeless, feeling nothing anymore, A ghostly hand wipes my frozen tear ''Come with me now, you have nothing to fear.'' mmm its not the best but its ok, its about a girl who has just died and she is becoming a ghost.
Meski Addict Age: 32 Gender: Male Posts: 14856	June 18th, 2006 at 08:53am I think the rhyme makes it a bit, I don't know! You should've made it with free verse, but I like it!
Emily-Cool Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 6657	June 20th, 2006 at 03:29pm cheers. ^ I know what you mean about the rhyme.. but i find rhyming poems more.. hmm im not sure, but yeer.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	June 20th, 2006 at 07:29pm I thought it flowed really well and the rhymes weren't too much for the most part. I really like this one.
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK! Jackass Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 1019	June 21st, 2006 at 10:53pm I thought it was really good. =D
snowcherry King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 3912	June 22nd, 2006 at 01:00pm I liked it. The flow was great and for a rhyming poem it's really good.
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451	June 22nd, 2006 at 01:35pm Honestly it’s very good. Maybe even excellent. Perhaps a little bit too unoriginal but at least it isn’t anywhere near cliché. Rhyming poems are much harder than free verse. You managed to make it flow and managed to avoid making it choppy or forced. Some parts are a little off though but I hardly think people notice that. I’m just picky when it comes to the flow. Anyway, great job!
Comic tragedy Idiot Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 546	June 22nd, 2006 at 01:40pm Great job on the flow and good rhyme. I write and shitload of songs, and they don't even rhyme or make sense. Lol, if you saw them, you'd laugh your ass off.
Emily-Cool Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 6657	June 22nd, 2006 at 05:26pm thanks dudes. i actually dont really like it that much.. coz making it rhyme and make sense is quite hard like..

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