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| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board  Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | I just wrote this like 2 minutes ago so if it isnt great blame it on my haste because the feelings just flooded out It sounds a little better now I think  be honest and feel free to critisise Enclosed Smoke still apparant rising from between the ashtray and the cigarette Does it matter to us does it matter to me If I should cut 'til I forget Chorus They're passing by try to stay far from where the trouble lies This girl was so good till her mistake then she went down the drain Such a fragile being afraid that she'd break parents protected her from pain Chorus They're passing by try to stay far from where the trouble lies Who could know that this lead to her end White skin now pale as snow A coffin enclosed was it all just pretend cheeks faded now so hollow Chorus They're passing by try to stay far from where the trouble lies |
| Meski Addict Age: 32 Gender: Male Posts: 14856  | |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | thanks  I didnt think it was great but thanks! |
| newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495  | I know you're a friend and I really like you but I'm just gonna be honest again. xD You did do better then most of the stuff I see on here with the equal thematic. However, I see the flow isn't the best. But it probably doesn't matter that much since it's a song. Still, I am convinced you can do better, even if it's just a quickie. I didn't like these stanzas: "I was staring to space I was feeling free The cuts open while I bled." and. "The drug abusing girl must watch her intake stabs her arm finding the vein" I'll need to see that creativity inside on the table, missy.  Hope you accept my review and to read more of your work in the future |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | Ella: No I'm happy you critisized and I'm REALLY glad you were honest because I didnt think it was great yeah I have a kind of tune for it in my head which works at the start it was a poem, but then I thought that it couldnt really fit in, then I got a tune in my head and decided to write it as a song instead now that I think of it I really dont like "The drug abusing girl must watch her intake stabs her arm finding the vein" I'mma change it creativity on the table?  my forte is Sketching I think although I love writing and song writing my sketches are in my journal  |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 | |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 | B.J:Well in that case, if it fits the tune, go for it! |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | [Flawless Error]: thanks its a little like a placebo song |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 | BRIAN MOLKO!!!111 |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | [Flawless Error]: from one poem I've discovered you me and Ella both love Brian Molko the same |
| Inari King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538 | |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | |
| Brendon Urie.. King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2394 | |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 | druscilla_armstrong:Don't revive old threads, missy!  |
| newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495 | |
| B.J Falling In Love With The Board Age: - Gender: Male Posts: 8105 | Ella: it did Ella? oh I'm sorry  |
| newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495 | B.J: That's okay. He's still alive. I think. o_o don't worry about it.  |
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