I hate you

Today is the end
Between you and me, my friend
You did nothing but hurt me
You only betrayed me
You left me to feel....used
I hate you

I know it's short but still

It's kinda depressing and rude.

I don't even like poems.

This poem is very clichéd and it's a bit boring.
Along with that, it's not well structured.
You should work on those things.
Like make stanzas instead of just those 6 lines. Try making it flow better. Also, you could try making it a bit longer to help the flow work on this poem.
Good try, though.

ohmygod shut your butt:

It's kinda depressing and rude.

I don't even like poems.

Then why are you commenting?

Didn't really like it.

It was alright I suppose.

Hmm... Its a little cliche' yeah, but...

Keep trying.

I just don't think it flowed right.

Good with the rhyming and all that but you should keep going and make it a little longer...and possibly fix the flow a little bit.

But great start though, keep goin!

Greenday_luver13:

Today is the end
Between you and me, my friend
You did nothing but hurt me
You only betrayed me
You left me to feel....used
I hate you

Six lines...I'll critique as best I can.

Okay, this may turn into a rant, because I really need to tell you what I've learned about short poems.
First. Haiku. It works because it has definitive form, and if you know the form to it's technicalities, it's hard to mess it up. Three lines, five-seven-five syllables, the last line brings the whole thing into perspective, leaving the reader with something to think about. The same with a cinquain, but with more lines. They work because of their form--the skeleton of the poem doesn't often change, the words fit into place. With short poems, you must be able to do this. To make the reader see and hear and feel with minimal syllables; the best words, the best order, all things leaving clarity in the end whether you use a formal structure or not.

Now. On to your words. The idea of betrayal, pain, and hatred is a classic in many forms of poetry. If it's something that sparks your interest, I recommend you read a bit of Louise Gluck--she's a brilliant imagistic poet, and what's more, her work bears a great deal of darkness.
The theme of your poem is clearly hatred and hurt, because you said that. In the poem. But what sets a good poem on betrayal (like Gluck's work) apart from normal teen angst is the ability to show it in a different way, in a way that makes the reader think and feel what you feel without you saying "I felt ____." Use words to make people care. It will make your poem very effective, and I think you will like that. A great way to do that is through imagery, comparisons between things and other things--concrete and well-understood and abstract. To you, betrayal is one thing. The me, another. Use of figurative language will help you develop poetic voice; a style you like, that suits you and what you like writing about.
This is not a bad poem. It is a very underdeveloped poem.

Please, try to never see a poem as "finished." Don't be afraid to go back and edit, but also know when enough is too much and that as a poet your work will always go into the world unfinished, no matter how polished it may be.

Kitti:

But what sets a good poem on betrayal (like Gluck's work) apart from normal teen angst is the ability to show it in a different way, in a way that makes the reader think and feel what you feel without you saying "I felt ____." Use words to make people care. It will make your poem very effective

Kitti > anyone else

Uh, it's kind of stressed if you know what I mean?

Molly.:

ohmygod shut your butt:

It's kinda depressing and rude.

I don't even like poems.

Then why are you commenting?

exactly