abc25
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2365 | July 18th, 2006 at 10:17am Is it okay for me to cry
as I watch you die?
You were the only one
But now it is done
We always knew each other
But to say "hi" was always a bother
You would always laugh at me
But my pain you couldn't see
You were supposed to be my everything
But your love you didn't bring
You came to me in the night
I didn't want to fight
You took advantage of me
So now it is time for me to see
It is not my fault
Your heart is on default
I will not open up past scars
Because sometimes its not that easy wishing on stars |
Hotel New Archaic
Idiot
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 789 | July 18th, 2006 at 10:32am The rhymes were very forced, and you need to work on syllables a little... Also, in
It is not my fault,
Your heart is on default, I really don't like the way they both end in the exact same way. 'Fault'.
Ah, whatever. -shrug- |
Orgy
Geek
Age: 34
Gender: -
Posts: 179 | July 18th, 2006 at 02:32pm it was ok.... |
Rhiannon.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2999
 | July 18th, 2006 at 02:34pm forced rhymes... it was so so. |
new.slang
Idiot
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 764 | July 18th, 2006 at 06:18pm It was ok....room for improvment though. |
Green_Tre
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 126 | July 18th, 2006 at 06:25pm Try to not worry about the rhymes so much next time, they seem really forced. But it was okay. |
