IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 21st, 2006 at 02:54pm Put a gun to his head,
Oh God if he was dead,
I'd be singin' and dancin' in the rain.
I don't have to deal with this pain.
It's like a heartache,
with no cure.
I won't have to deal with him anymore.
He's gone,
it's on,
the happiness inside of me.
He hit,
he bit away at the love we had.
But it wasn't real,
wasn't real at all.
Gotta face reality.
Looking, staring, glaring at me.
I won't miss him at all.
I'll watch him fall.
Right in front of me,
and I don't care.
I don't have to deal with him anymore.
I wrote this after a bad relationship. I'm still not over him, though. I made me feel better at the time.  |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 25th, 2006 at 05:20pm anybody? |
SugarGreen King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 3369 | July 26th, 2006 at 12:10am THAT'S HORRIBLE!!! |
Fink. Geek
 Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 289 | July 26th, 2006 at 12:22am perfect. |
SugarGreen King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 3369 | July 26th, 2006 at 12:26am Fink.:perfect. LMAO  |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | July 26th, 2006 at 09:37am Ummm, if you don't like it then you should at least give a reason.
Yeah, it sucked. I'm sorry but it did. It was choppy, forced, and felt really repetitive. I'm only being honest so you can work on improving it, I don't think there's any point in me saying 'wow that was great!' when it wasn't.
I did quite like these lines though; 'But it wasn't real,
wasn't real at all' because they had a nice flow and rhythm to them. A little cliched, but I did like them.
Don't be mad at me  Keep trying. |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 26th, 2006 at 02:24pm thanks for the honesty, international_idiot. |
steady riot. King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 2907 | July 26th, 2006 at 02:33pm It was too forced. |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 26th, 2006 at 02:34pm I'm confused. What do you mean by 'forced'? |