Scars & Dead Ends

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IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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July 24th, 2006 at 04:15pm
I think about you every night,
I'm always thinkin' about the fight,
The one we had a few months ago.
I wish that I could've stopped myself,
Thinkin 'about how I could make myself,
better for what we had a few months ago.

I still care about you,
and I hope you still care, too.
Have you ever thought we could make it work agian?
Or do you think we'd be better off as friends?
Did the scars seal up any chance at starting all over?
Or did it make it any better?
Maybe It was just a dead end.
[/i]
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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Posts: 327

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July 24th, 2006 at 04:23pm
Like it? Anyone...
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
July 25th, 2006 at 07:41am
It was okay. It was very repetitive, but if you worked on it it could be better. The first verse was especially repetitive, in phrases as well as ideas. It does have a lot of potential. Keep trying. Very Happy
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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Posts: 327

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July 25th, 2006 at 12:03pm
thanx!
Addison Montgomery.
Falling In Love With The Board
Addison Montgomery.
Age: 30
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Posts: 7078

Mibba Blog
July 26th, 2006 at 11:40am
I got most of it but a few bits I didn't quite grasp.
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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July 26th, 2006 at 12:37pm
ok, thanks for the feedback!
Toxic Teeth
Idiot
Toxic Teeth
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Posts: 645

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July 26th, 2006 at 01:01pm
I did like the title....i agree on the poem itself with everyone else.. Very Happy
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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July 26th, 2006 at 01:50pm
okay...
losers_are_cool
King For A Couple Of Days
losers_are_cool
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4120
July 26th, 2006 at 05:16pm
Yeah, it was alright. Repetitve does pretty much sum it up.

Ex:
I still care about you,
and I hope you still care, too.


To make that sound better, you could perhaps say, "and I hope you do too" or something like that. It keeps the rhyme, keeps the idea, and loses the repetition. Very Happy

Keep writing though. I'd like to see how you progress.
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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July 26th, 2006 at 05:18pm
thanks so much!
losers_are_cool
King For A Couple Of Days
losers_are_cool
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4120
July 27th, 2006 at 12:40pm
No problem. Very Happy
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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July 27th, 2006 at 01:56pm
Smile
k-contentbarrier-
Addict
k-contentbarrier-
Age: 33
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Posts: 14139
July 28th, 2006 at 01:38am
i like it. very honest and not trying to hide your feelings. Smile
IxAmxMe
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IxAmxMe
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Posts: 327

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July 28th, 2006 at 11:21am
Thanks!
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