Retro Suicide Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 103 | July 31st, 2006 at 08:41pm And down the raindrops fall,
To wreck her life,
To lose it all.
To meet raindrops that fell.
From the heavens down to hell.
She walks around the drops,
To keep her dry,
To find what's lost.
To make her life worth while,
After she walks another mile.
She sings a song alone,
To hear her thoughts,
To warm her bones.
To keep her spirit high,
So she forgets to cry.
She meets a boy downtown,
To cheer her up,
To change her frown.
To be the boy she meets,
So life finally feels complete. |
newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495
| August 1st, 2006 at 05:06am I didn't like the last stanza too much, I think you could have ended it a lot better. It's simple but beautiful, and you didn't overuse the repetition either.
I loved this;
"She walks around the drops,
To keep her dry,
To find what's lost.
To make her life worth while" |
[Broken Pretty] Idiot
![[Broken Pretty]](/data/board-avatars/empty.gif) Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 572 | August 1st, 2006 at 06:35am " She sings a song alone,
To hear her thoughts,
To warm her bones.
To keep her spirit high,
So she forgets to cry. "
perfect.  |
Meski Addict
 Age: 32 Gender: Male Posts: 14856
 | August 1st, 2006 at 06:36am I liked it alot, sounded like a lyric though!! but it was beautiful |
Retro Suicide Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 103 | August 1st, 2006 at 02:41pm Ella:I didn't like the last stanza too much, I think you could have ended it a lot better. It's simple but beautiful, and you didn't overuse the repetition either.
I loved this;
"She walks around the drops,
To keep her dry,
To find what's lost.
To make her life worth while"
Ohh thanks. :]
That last stanza was kind of harder than the rest for me though because I wasn't sure how it should end. But thanks. I'll probably end up editing it. |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | August 1st, 2006 at 02:49pm I really liked it.  In places, it was a little repetitive and choppy, but those are things which can be improved. Otherwise, it has heaps and heaps of potential to be something really special.  |