CAN I PLEASE GET SOME HONEST OPINIONS?

these are some old poems..and they arent edited as for punctuation and such...
but can you please read and give me some honest opinions...
i need critisism...everone keeps saying they are good and that is all...thanx

Destination Desolation

I'm heading to a place
A place only vampires rome
The co-ordinates are non-existent
This place is not my home
Lost somewhere in this dark world
This place is no myth,
Its as real and you and me
I've died and gone to hell

The clouds roll in and never leave
The rain slips hard
Just like your tears
Till the sky and your eyes
Have nothing more to give

When all you care abou is gone
All your dreams faded away
You have nowhere left to go
Desitination Desolation will devour you
With every step you take away
From all you know and love
Takes you one step closer to despair

I've dug myself into a hole
I can't climb out of
It's damp and dark and deep
Hollow and drained of love
covered in mud, I smell like shit
If only they could see me now
They'd stand around and laugh

All the demons ready to break you down
Smah your fragile dreams
Shatter your brains all over the floor
Like a gunshot to the head
Let the fear of loneliness
Push you through
Life kicks you in the teeth
With every word of sorrow

Hold onto what you care about
Keep your dreams alive
Or Desitination Desolation
Will draw you deep inside

Unhappy Girl

I sit alone down in my room
My tears are keeping me awake
Till nightmares take me to my doom
I'm drowning in this lake
That I created from my tears
Why can't I be that happy girl, I used to be
Now confroted by her fears
Of a life of hate and pain
This is driving me insane

I don't want to be perfect
In this world of perfection
I just want to be happy
Is that too much to ask for
Why am I mad all the time
Misunderstood and don't know why
Take me away to neverland
Where Happiness never ends

I know its just a silly dream
Its all I have to hope for
Im coming apart at the seams
My red eyes are getting sore
I have nowhere to run
As the clouds roll in
Come cover up the sun
Just another rainy day
This is not my fucking day

If perfections what it takes
Then I will always be
An unhapy broken girl

Vampiric Acid Oct, 06/2005


In a world of hate and lies and death
I walk along the city streets
Haunted by a shadow of the forsaken
Feared by most, friends to few
Dark and dim and evil
Fangs sharp, ready to bite
Drain every ounce of blood
Pitiless, deathless souls damned to eternity
Life always, hell on earth
Immortal to thier army's of men
Weapons of mass destruction
Evolving into creatures of day and night
They tourture, then kill
Condemned to living hell
Crestfallen, Vampiric Acid

here is one i just put together the other day

Look at her smile
big and bright
i see through her eyes
that she frowns inside
why dont they see
her pain
black cloud that follows
above her head
rain falls down
her make up runs
they see her pain
runs down her face
it wasnt rain
they were her tears
she cannot hide
she cannot fake
anymore

She screams in silence


why cant they hear my silence screams,
the pain that is a permanent picture on my face,
the tears i cry until i sleep,
my attitude shows my hate,
at life and death,
and everything inbetween,
why cant they hear my silent screams,
heed my pain,
wheres the the shoulder i need,
to cry and hold till im okay,
where are the ears,
to hear my screams of pain,
what happened to everyone,
i pushed away what i need most,
a friend,
one thats real,
and understands,
does such a person exsist,
not that i can find,
so i will always be,
a broken, misunderstood,
MONSTER

Hated By The World

why do ppl hate me...am i too real, and too honest, dont ppl want honesty?
i dont understand...
whats wrong with being outspoken
i only say what i mean
im only true to me
why do ppl take words so seriously?
they are only words
they said i was a bully
im not a bully
i was the bullied
im so lost
no room for hate
myabe i should stick to freaks
its where i belong
among the underbelly
the rejected freaks
is what i am
this is what i am
deal with it
stop complaining
you dont have to like me
i dont have to like you
dont change me
im not so hard to to make friends
if you are real and true
i have a wall built high
to keep out intruders that betray
my heart is broken
dont stomp on it
i dont need you to make me feel bad
i have myself for that
if you need me im there
will you be there when i need you?
friends are few
will you be mine?

Jinxed and Rejected:

these are some old poems..and they arent edited as for punctuation and such...
but can you please read and give me some honest opinions...
i need critisism...everone keeps saying they are good and that is all...thanx

Destination Desolation

I'm heading to a place
A place only vampires rome
The co-ordinates are non-existent
This place is not my home
Lost somewhere in this dark world
This place is no myth,
Its as real and you and me
I've died and gone to hell

maybe i'm re-writing the end but oh well...

Lost somewhere in the dark world,
It just an empty shell
It makes my blood curl
how it's as real as you and me
It makes me feel I've died and gone to hell.

Thats just my re-write other than that it's very good

uh thanx...

Jinxed and Rejected:

uh thanx...

oh... was it really that bad???

well no i just well wasnt looking for that kind of answer is all..sorry

Jinxed and Rejected:

well no i just well wasnt looking for that kind of answer is all..sorry

Oh right, sorry. What type of answer were you looking for?

i dont know just like about the structure
or i dont know...sorry
i dont make sense even to myself

Honestly...I don't like it. I can't find a rythym. I know its freestyle, but that drives me insane. Sorry, dude. You need to work on your meter. Not like iambic pentameter or something. Just have some kind of meter or rythym. Makes it flow better. It might have to do with the way you divide your lines.

wow okay....its supposed to be like that and there is more than one poem there can ppl read them too

well i am going offline for a while i guess i will come back later

hmm i dont give good advice so


i like the poem =D