GrEeNdAyMuSiC77
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 95 | August 29th, 2006 at 04:43pm Heart Felt
As I look up in your eyes/ I see the soul that’s inside/ your beauty is tangled up with your ambition/ holding on to every moment/ until your eyes shut/ leaving me in the darkness/ while you stand alone/
Feelings of weakness are my only guilty pleasure/ when you walk in the room/ the beauty within escapes to my heart/
Never knew who you could really be/now that chance has washed away/
Feelings of weakness are my only guilty pleasure/ when you walk in the room the beauty within escapes to my heart/
Meddling with our destiny/ wasting every precious minute/ now I know that we are not invincible/ lives are thrown away every day/promises are broken and friendships are lost/
Feelings of weakness are my only guilty pleasure/ when you walk in the room the beauty within escapes to my heart/so hold on to everything you’ve got/ |
GrEeNdAyMuSiC77
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 95 | August 29th, 2006 at 05:15pm this definetly isnt my fav. i just kinda wrote it and now as i read it it seems really stupid |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
 | August 29th, 2006 at 07:43pm Just a tip, it would make it easier to read if you put it in proper stanzas. The constant /'s get a bit annoying after a while. Those are only meant to be used in articles where you're quoting poetry or song lyrics. 
Anyway, on to the poem! It wasn't stupid, silly. I didn't think it was anything special though. It didn't have anything in it that made it feel unique. Try putting in more metaphors and maybe some imagery, along with colourful language. That usually works to spice things up a bit.  |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | August 30th, 2006 at 02:46pm I actually liked that. |
