tom_in_a_box
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 316 | October 3rd, 2006 at 07:13am here's my second poem...
i cant think of a title for it at the moment so if anyone has any ideas let me know. also let me know what you think of it.
time is a matter of lasting
how well you can change
adapt as they say
but is it simply adaption
or camourflarge that keeps us here?
makes us precious, but insignificant
like a flower
here for a while, opening slowly
looking pretty for a while
then cut down and stuck in a vase of a coffin
'cause in the end natures still nature
and time is still time
you cannot escape either
it all carries on
so when you've turned brown and shrivelled up
you are dead and gone |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | October 3rd, 2006 at 07:47am Once again, with a little work this could be beautiful, but this is a huge improvement from the last one you wrote.
I love the images you put into it. |
tom_in_a_box
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 316 | October 3rd, 2006 at 08:17am Inari:Once again, with a little work this could be beautiful, but this is a huge improvement from the last one you wrote.
I love the images you put into it.
aww thank you. any idea how i could improve it this time? |
°MorbidRose°
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1723
 | October 3rd, 2006 at 04:31pm I really like it.
Maybe make some of the lines a little longer and add just a mite more imagery, and it would be amazing.
:] |
tom_in_a_box
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 316 | October 4th, 2006 at 01:59am °MorbidRose°:I really like it.
Maybe make some of the lines a little longer and add just a mite more imagery, and it would be amazing.
:]
thank you |
