Rape Me
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 25
 | October 18th, 2006 at 07:32pm take my loveless heart
and make it turn a new
make the life i lived
of nothing more than misery
save a note to hell
and i'll lead you all the way
so take my hand
and look at me
see the dying love
and see the
growing hate
nothing more
than another body
you are to me
what i am to you
nothing more than a body
nothing more than a voice
that means nothing at all... |
°MorbidRose°
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1723
| October 19th, 2006 at 06:27pm You were off to a great start, but then it completely lost it
Just use more metaphors, similes, and a wider variety of vocabulary to add more color and imagery to the idea.
:] |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | October 20th, 2006 at 11:22am I agree. I loved the opening lines but then it fizzled out. |
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844 | October 20th, 2006 at 01:15pm i love it.!!!!!! |
Rape Me
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 25
| October 20th, 2006 at 09:08pm thank you.....i appreciate the advise too!! =D |
