The Crucifixion of the Underground Messiah

There’s no choice but crucifixion
If you want to survive
Because in the end
Everything that you can do
Will be a suicide.

They will loose their savior again
Until the next shows up
And your wings will weight you down,
Your halo rust, in the rain
Of their bitter tears

Make no mistake,
they do not mourn.
For you are not a loss,
Only the fuel to their anger,
Which will result
In a new Messiah
That is already doomed
Long before he arrives.

And they will ask:
“Where is God?
Has he abandoned the atheists?
Where is the divinity
In three chord songs?
Did it ever exist?”

Their religion is
A two edged sword
A Pandora’s Box and
You will be one of them
Just long enough to die on the cross
For all that you believed in

And so the underground son
Will sacrifice himself upon
The sellout’s mainstream altar
And in the end it will be done
For no other sake than his own


Well... Constructive criticism maybe??

And they will ask:
“Where is God?
Has he abandoned the atheists?
Where is the divinity
In three chord songs?
Did it ever exist?”

^^ That stanza was pretty awesome.

Judging by the above stanza and the last one, I'm guessing that this poem was a metaphor for something involving punk music? If so, I think you needed to maybe stress that a little bit more because it barely got the point across. If I hadn't been paying attention I probably would have missed it.

...And if it wasn't that at all, I probably just suck and sorry.

Thank you. Yes it was. And you could be right but I didn’t want to make it obvious. People need to think for themselves once in a while. But thanks a lot for the honesty!

Okay, as long as your intention was to make it harder to figure out. Sometimes a poet needs to strive for that, so keep it up.

Haha and you're definitely right about people needing to figure stuff out on their own once in a while...

Yeah. And, I mean, you figured it out so it’s not impossible. But then again you’re smart. Maybe no one else will get it?

No doubt *nods* =)

Oh, by the way, the next part of my made up story is up now. Part 17. Just thought you might wanted to know [/offtopic]

Varry interesting.
Nice running with the Jesus metaphor.

Awesomeness. I especially liked;
'Their religion is
A two edged sword
A Pandora’s Box and
You will be one of them
Just long enough to die on the cross
For all that you believed in'.

And I have to agree with Panda. It's okay posting those lines here because we know what you mean, but other people might not.

i like it.

Thank you all

Ginger Nuts:

And I have to agree with Panda. It's okay posting those lines here because we know what you mean, but other people might not.

I know that they might not. But honestly, how many does really, really get the meaning behind, say, BOBD? Most people say "oh, he walks alone on an empty street" and that all they see when there really is so much more too it. (I’m not comparing myself to BJ , I’m not that good.) I’m just saying that sometimes you need to see what you feel in a poem (or song for that matter). You have to be creative yourself. I didn’t want to put the words in your moth this time so to speak. People will see what their imaginations see, not what I’ve told them to see… but thanx for being honest!

awesome

Nice.

kewl

The only fault I could find was the use of the word "sellout." But that's simply a personal disliking of the word... I also dislike the words "hardcore" and "like" (how people misuse it, I mean), so this "fault" is somewhat irrelevant seeing as it's based purely on a personal preference which I'm not sure anyone else on the earth shares with myself...

Well other than that, I think it's simply brilliant. I love the analogy, and it's communicated beautifully. Good job!

Thanks you guys ^_^

black_hawk_2009:

The only fault I could find was the use of the word "sellout." But that's simply a personal disliking of the word... I also dislike the words "hardcore" and "like" (how people misuse it, I mean), so this "fault" is somewhat irrelevant seeing as it's based purely on a personal preference which I'm not sure anyone else on the earth shares with myself...

Well other than that, I think it's simply brilliant. I love the analogy, and it's communicated beautifully. Good job!

To be honest with you I don’t really like the word either but I found it necessary for the context (plus it made the flow better ).

Thankies

What's in a name?:

Thanks you guys ^_^

black_hawk_2009:

The only fault I could find was the use of the word "sellout." But that's simply a personal disliking of the word... I also dislike the words "hardcore" and "like" (how people misuse it, I mean), so this "fault" is somewhat irrelevant seeing as it's based purely on a personal preference which I'm not sure anyone else on the earth shares with myself...

Well other than that, I think it's simply brilliant. I love the analogy, and it's communicated beautifully. Good job!

To be honest with you I don’t really like the word either but I found it necessary for the context (plus it made the flow better ).

Thankies

You're welcome!