Kurtni
Admin
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 34289
  | October 22nd, 2006 at 12:07pm He's quiet,
the silence is something new.
So quiet that
it's deafening.
Then I hear that scratching,
hes in that trance yet again..
his canvas is horridly blank,
as insecure as he is.
His mind was black,
black as calligraphers ink,
blacker than I could have
ever presumed, more so than
the skylines in vague shades.
This was his passion,
lust in it's purest form
faint outlines of a
masterpiece, stay trapped
with in his mind...
His intentions were cruel,
Oh yes, I did know
There was no light in our
unsanctified world, just the imaginary
Eden we manipulated as reality.
he was tired of believeing...
Through that brush his screams emerged,
saying things so obscene I can't repeat...
Every stroke revealed just,
a little bit more...
More than I ever hoped to see..
He reflected on the decline of morals,
depeicted the lack of trust,
and predicted the end of time.
something few dare to do..
He's as morbid as the night is long...
in a world where the sun doesnt rise... |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | October 22nd, 2006 at 01:48pm 'His mind was black,
black as calligraphers ink,
blacker than I could have
ever presumed, more so than
the skylines in vague shades.'
*spasms at your awesomeness* |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| October 22nd, 2006 at 01:49pm Wow, that was refreshingly different from anything I've seen for a while. I really liked the way you worded everything; it worked very well.
His mind was black,
black as calligraphers ink,
blacker than I could have
ever presumed, more so than
the skylines in vague shades.
I didn't like the repetition of the word black in that stanza. I don't really know why, it just didn't seem to...fit, I suppose.
And for spelling corrections! believing and depicted
That's all for now.  |
Kurtni
Admin
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 34289
| October 23rd, 2006 at 05:16pm Thanks alot guys, I really appreciate the comments. |
