It's Over

You might as well not stop.
You've gone farther than ever.
Having fun now?
I know, I know, whatever.
It doesn't matter to you.
Because soon you'll be dead.
I hope you still see us when you're gone.
Watching us start to shred.

You might as well do it again.
I mean, no one even gives a fuck about you.
Right, yeah of course.

More and more.
Never enough.
Swallow just a few more.
Or another hand full.
You're getting weaker now.
You can tell.
That it's happening.
You're systems shutting down.
It's over.

O_O Woah.

That's really good, great job!

I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!:

You might as well not stop.
You've gone farther than ever.
Having fun now?
I know, I know, whatever.
It doesn't matter to you.
Because soon you'll be dead.
I hope you still see us when you're gone.
Watching us start to shred.
The beginning is very good. Pretty original and also something rather uniquely for you as it seems. It makes the reader curious and creates an atmosphere. The sixth line is unfortunately extremely cliché and dull however and it drags the poem’s standard down a few notches. I have to say that you managed to rhyme rather successfully though. It is not forced or banal.

You might as well do it again.
I mean, no one even gives a fuck about you.
Right, yeah of course.
The first to lines is nothing special and the second is even bad. You have already set the tone so the word “Fuck” is just plump. That line is also way overused. The last line is great. It ties this stanza together with the first and you keep to the theme. Plus it’s kinda original.

More and more.
Never enough.
Swallow just a few more.
Or another hand full.
You're getting weaker now.
You can tell.
That it's happening.
You're systems shutting down.
It's over.
What to say. It’s been done too many times, just like this. Of course you do it a little bit better but it is still cliché. The structure of the stanza is very good though and the way you use the word is great.

Overall it’s pretty good. You have your own distinct stile (and that is rare here, believe me). Your flow is awesome and you do have a way with words. What you need to do for improvement is perhaps to try using some metaphors. With a few of those this poem could have been splendid. But try not to write about this kind of things again because it has been done so many times that it is hard to be creative and original within this category. Remember that poetry can be about almost everything and that the limit is your creativity. Good luck writing